[lonewolf59]

Sorry to whoever reading this, but it's a long rant. I know, it's annoying when I complain all the time even when there are people 1000x off worse than me but I just can't deal with being a failure anymore. I can't deal with the pain inside. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I do anything right? Why can't I just do normal activities and have a normal social life like people my age do? Why do I have to suffer and die while everyone else enjoys their lives? I'm the least social person in the world probably. I can't make friends, I can't enjoy being around people, I can't think of anything to say. It's probably the worst trait in the world to have, having social anxiety and being an introvert. You can't perform at work, you have no good ideas or anything to offer, and no one likes you. I'm so plain and boring to be around. The only words I know how to use are "yeah" and "ok". I can't have any type of social media because there's nothing interesting about me and I have no friends. I would probably end up in a crisis situation if I created a twitter or instagram. I can't do this, I just can't. It's a chronic condition, where most people never fully recover or get over. Hell, I'll probably get fired because of my ****** social and work skills. I can't even perform the simplest tasks without ****ing them up. Again, what the hell is wrong with me? Was I born retarded or something? Was I born with no mental ability to have something to say or to do? I'm no extrovert or leader. The world wants those kinds of people, and I'm not one of them and never will be, so I'm done.

[waterknob1234]

Hi lonewolf. We can always find lots of people worse off than we are, but that does not mean that your pain is not real. I know your pain hurts in the heart and soul. Don't worry about creating a long rant. This is the place to vent, and we all understand and care. Oh I have had plenty of days where nothing seems to go right, and nothing I do is right no matter how hard I try so I understand how it feels. Even though you are an introvert, that does not mean you don't have some hidden talents. I have met lots of people who can talk a person to death and maybe they are the life of the party, but they really have nothing to contribute. Sometimes these people are big talkers but deep down they don't have the knowledge that a more quiet, reserved person has.

Making friends is not always easy, especially if you are depressed, but it is better to have a few faithful friends than lots of so-called friends that cannot be trusted. I am glad you posted here. We care. You may be surprised how many friends you might make on this site. I don't know if you have thought of seeing a therapist, or if that is something available to you. Best wishes to you.

[cat2992]

I know what it feels like to face failure. It sounds like you've got those negative messages on blast in your mind, constant repeating themselves. I know when I'm especially depressed, I feel dumber, distracted, clumsy, and yell at myself for little things like bumping into a counter or tripping on a crack in the sidewalk. I withdraw from people and hide my nose in a book during lunch, and try not to make eye contact with my coworkers.
This is a good place to come for safe and open ranting. I'm glad you're here. Good luck.

[Frankbtl]

Hi lonewolf, I wouldn't say that you were complaining at all
I'd say that you expressing what you're feeling/thinking is really good. And please don't stop, if something is hurting, bothering you, effecting you it matters!!! And it's not in any way annoying
It sounds like you've been going through a really hard time, but please try not to be too tough on yourself.
It can be so easy to see the things you don't do right, so easy for them to eat you up from the inside, and for the things things you've actually done not so bad at to fall by the wayside. So maybe have a think about the "bigger picture". Even if you can only come up with a few things, they still count!! They count a whole lot!!! So a bit more credit where credit's due??!!
And sometimes if you're not doing some things right, it can help to have a real think about why, because sometimes it might have nothing at all to do with your skills e.g. maybe anxiety, maybe concentration, maybe thinking/believing you can't before you even start..........?? And you know, lots of those things can be worked on a bit.
And the social side...........I'm just wondering if you're comparing yourself too much to others who are really sociable???? I know it is really hard for you, but there's nothing to say that you have to fit into a particular box to be accepted/liked/valued by people. And not doing "normal" activities, doing the "social circle" doesn't mean you can't still enjoy your life. Everyone is different and they are going to get enjoyment/fulfillment out of different things.
And, OK you may only feel a bit more comfortable with very low key interactions/communication right now, but that's OK, nothing wrong with that. Go with what you're comfortable with and then if you can "try to push your boundaries" just a little bit at your own pace when you're ready. There will still be people who can really like you regardless, even if you are less extroverted. And hey, there's plenty of people out there who really don't go for the extroverted types. The most important thing is to be yourself. And if gradually, very gradually you can make a friend or two, or..........then great. Remember friendship doesn't have to be about being "sociable", constant conversation, all kinds of friendships. And that doesn't need to mean that any of them matter any the less to you/to
But for now, why not log into the chat part of here?? You don't necessarily have to say much at all, but it might help you in building up a little confidence if you "sit back", watch, and throw in the odd comment when you feel able.

Alison