PANIC!!!

Yes, I know this is for depression, but as my diagnosis are SDD and BPD, this is where I go. And yes, I'm starting to panic. My daughters wedding is at 1:00pm tomorrow, and I'm freaking out!!! Not because she's getting married, but because I'm going to be surrounded by people, most I don't know, and most that I do know, I don't want to see. Especially my brother, who I worked for for a time, but who fired me for getting a devil tattoo, as that made me a Satan worshipper. (I'm an atheist)

Being a very misanthropic person to begin with, I don't do well dealing with people. Reason being...I don't like people. So tomorrow is going to SUCK!!!
The only positive thing is, my ex is going to be there with out two little ones, so I will have some support. Even so, I know everybody is going to be staring at me with that "there is the freak who cuts himself and spends half his life in the funny farm" looks on their faces. Am I wrong to beg the gods for a catastrophic meteor impact?? Why can't I go to sleep and simply never wake up??

Sorry, I'm rambling. Don't know what else to do at this point.

Take a breath. Now take another.

You have the support. Going to the wedding will mean a LOT to your daughter I'm sure. Go for her. You don't have to stay for the reception. Stay for as long (or as little) as you like. The focus will be on her, which works out. Hang out with your ex and your little ones, congratulate your daughter, and that's it. That's your whole part in the deal. You can do it.

I was in a similar situation a few months ago for my brother's wedding...felt exactly the same way. And my brother, utterly tone-deaf to my condition (god love him) made me best man, which meant I had to write and deliver a speech...talk about panic-inducing. It seemed like the worst thing that could ever happen and I never wanted my plane to go down so much. Of course the thing turned out not as bad as expected...the open bar helped. And I actually use it sometimes when I'm feeling really low or panicked as in 'this can't be as bad as anticipating that wedding'.

Funny story...When my brother got married, I was the best man. As I was only 16 at the time, I couldn't arrange a bachelor party, but his other friends arranged one. I went and did what I could to help out. Went to the wedding and executed my duties quite well.

When it was my turn to get wed, I asked him to be my best man. No problem. Funny, no bachelor party was ever even mentioned, and on the day of my wedding, literally while I was standing on the church steps waiting for him to arrive, he called me, told me he had a cold, and wouldn't be able to make it. Am I wrong to want him to be run over by a Freightliner? (rhetorical question)