**** everyone and Life. I'm sick of all the **** in the world.

I can't take it anymore.

I hate my life so much and hate myself even more. Right now I type this as my parents fight. This is how I've lived most of my life. In fear of my dad and so scared of him to keep the house clean. Lonely as I hear people yelling outside my room. My only sibling doesn't talk to me. No matter how busy she is. She has a fiancee and still has a job at the place I got fired from. She's in college and she uses being busy as an excuse to do what she's done since I was born. Hate me and leave me alone.
I've lived my life with heavy anxiety. Every time a very embarrassing memory pops into my head I have a small anxiety attack. I've developed homicidal ideology from hearing that asshole my mom married make her cry and yell in frustration. I hate myself because I get depressed and angry over things that are so little. There's a game called World of Warcraft out. It's massive. I used to be so interested in it. Now I am barely interested in it and I still have the game. I hate that I can't let go of it and at the same time I hate that I can't get into it. I've struggled to beat my disorders and they eat me alive. My ADHD procrastination is killing me and destroying my relationship with my father. No matter what I do nothing works.
I've attempted suicide twice and I wish I'd died. Life isn't worth living in a pit of anger and fear. After being given a massive therapy attack I realized I don't have it in me to kill myself and to be honest that has only made my life worse.
The only people who give a crap about me live hundreds of miles away and I can't see any of them anytime soon or later.
I honestly don't want to believe in god anymore. I hate him. I hate everything he's given me. I hate who he's made me into and I hate the life he's given me.

So there. That's everything. With my mom crying outside my door I wish I could hurt my stepfather and then I would die and disappear into a black pit of nothingness. I want nothing more than to scream as loud as I can and destroy everything around me. Say something that helps me before I'm depressed and angry enough to do it.

I don't have any words of comfort, only that I can relate to a lot you mentioned..... "Every time a very embarrassing memory pops into my head I have a small anxiety attack. I've developed homicidal ideology from hearing that asshole my mom"..... "I wish I could hurt my stepfather and then I would die and disappear into a black pit of nothingness".....

Sending good luck and hugs your way....

These feelings are familiar to me...
My impression is that even the best therapy rarely overcomes a toxic environment.

You may have some techniques from your earlier treatment/therapy to reduce immediate stresses. In the long run, however, moving forward almost certainly will require moving on. Moving on probably means enlisting outside help.

These folks who care about you: could they serve as a stepping stone to a healthier existence?

Damn man that's pretty harsh, it is understandable that you feel how you feel. My situation has never been quite like your's I've had some different sorts of problems...some fighting between parents and I am 25 living at home with my mom and her boyfriend who argue a lot but what you describe sounds significantly more unpleasant. I have attempted suicide before so I can relate to that...sometimes worry I really could follow through.

Why cant you see those only people who care? Is there any way to be in contact with them like online or over the phone at least? But yeah sounds like a rough situation nothing I can say will really make it any better.

I hate to repeat a cliche, but this too will pass. Can you make plans to move out? Are you going to college? I know you are in pain right now, but your life is in your hands and it is up to you to make it better. Get help if you feel like harming yourself or anyone else. Call 911 if you need to. You have a purpose here, the world needs you. Tomorrow might bring good things. Hang in there, please