I got worse

My severe depression is taking over up into the point that I see nothing that makes me happy and I am all numb. That's all I ever felt though.

Hi iceyrain, I'm sorry you're feeling this way Do you have anyone to talk to? A therapist?

I do but it doesn't really help. I even hurt myself again today. I don't know what to do. I don't even really have friends.

I'm going through the same thing, don't know what I feel anymore.

(((((Iceyrain))))

Aww thank you so much!

Yeah I know what you mean. It really sucks so much.

But still, it is very hard and I don't know what to do.

I've lost all hope and I didn't even feel good after an outing today, so all is definitely lost.

I am so sorry you're having such a bad day.

When I hit rock bottom, it took a monumental effort to ask someone to help me (I am not talking about therapy, I am talking about the most simple of tasks of calling and making a doctor's appointment and taking me to it).

Is there anyone that you can turn to who can help you for a while? Until you have the strength to help yourself? Perhaps write a short SOS email to someone capable?

Unfortunately I have no one at all. I'm going through even more today so it is so much worse. I'm really lost.

Can I help?

PM if you like.

Yes please!!!!

I completely understand what your going through. I was like that for many years and couldn't see it getting any better. Along with SI on a regular basis I even attempted sui 3 times. But with the help of a fantastic PsyD I was able to get myself out of the hole. It may sound dumb but positive thinking and taking walks really helped. She also had me do things I once enjoyed even though I didn't at the time to get me off the couch in hopes that I might enjoy one of them and it worked. Like I said I have an amazing PsyD who pushed me just enough without going to far. Even though I'm still depressed a lot of the time I'm able to cope with it and not let it take over my life. From someone who has been where you are now, I can tell you that it can and will get better. You just have to put in a little effort at first, even though it's hard, and you'll be on your way. You can do it! You already took the first step by asking for help here. hugs

If this helps at all feel free to PM me.

All is not lost. You went on an outing--that is wonderful! It is so hard to get out of the house when one is depressed. It may not have been as pleasant as you had hoped, and the little sparks of "okayness" may not have lasted long, but you deserve a lot of credit for putting yourself out there. Little successes build on each other.

I guess so but it was more like someone dragged me out that day...

Ok so I finally went to see a psychologist after I saw my therapist again from years ago. The psychologist said I have a very rare and malignant form of depression. Now I feel overwhelmed, since I know that he has a point.

Don't feel overwhelmed. Now that he knows what you have you can start getting treatment for it. The treatment can be tailored to your specific type of depression so you can actually start feeling better. Instead of feeling overwhelmed look at it as a positive. Hugs

That's true but I didn't think it would be so drastic. It almost feels like a death sentence, but I hope that I can at least get through this in the next two months.

People have recovered from very serious depression. Say to yourself: "If them, why not me?"

It sounds like the psychologist was encouraging you to not feel hopeful. Maybe what he really meant was that overcoming your problem will take a lot of tough effort over an extended period of time. There is no law of the universe that says that you are incapable of putting out strenuous effort. But you can make that true by telling yourself that recovery is just too hard. Why limit yourself, like that?

That's true, but even if I do succeed in fixing myself, I will do it for no cause. I don't like that. I just don't like existing without a choice I guess.

What kind of depression did your PsyD say you had? Did he tell u anything about it?

Yes. He said I have a very rare and malignant form of severe depression. It doesn't go away, even when I seem happy. So it's that unwelcome dinner guest that stays everyday...

Actually...it's more like it stays not only everyday but every hour, every minute...at every breath I take...it's worse then that. Oh well.

More like, nothing can be done about it.