[Evaluna]

Today I had to go into hospital for some treatment for something else, and I was dreading it. I knew I would be stuck in a room for 4 hours with strangers and I just hoped that no one would talk to me. I took my kindle, my tablet and my phone and kept my head down.

The first few people came in and I tried to avoid all talk, and to be fair one guy just wouldn't shut up so it was easy to blend into the corner. But once he had left there were 3 of us women, the other 2 were older, and I thought they were probably thinking I was so rude. So I took a deep breath and when they looked at me I decided to join in.

When they left, 2 older men came in and I made a point of saying hello and we were all talking for about half an hour. It was easier because we were all going through the same thing, but I made myself join in.

When I left I actually felt quite nice. Like something had lifted a little. I'd had some interaction with people and had to be nice. I felt like even though I had to force myself to do it, because I was worried what people would think of me, it wasn't so bad after all. I know I do myself no favors by hiding away, and sometimes I just have to. But I know now that I CAN do it.

I've got an appointment with my doctor next week to go and actually be truthful. Not pretend that things aren't that bad, but actually tell it how it is. I don't know what I expect the outcome to be but I've got to do something about it.

[Rohag]

Hello, Evaluna.

Originally Posted by Evaluna

But I know now that I CAN do it.

This is reassuring, even if it's an effort. I know I can usually act sociable when required.

I wish you the best for next week's appointment. Being fully truthful with a doctor is not always the easiest thing to do. I hope you can clearly convey the severity of your distress - and that the doctor will heed you.

[Evaluna]

Me too! Maybe on the day I won't feel as amazing and it will be hard but I have to do something to stop this never ending feeling of hopelessness. I have a child and I have to be a good role model. I can't be angry with her for nothing because she's done nothing wrong. But at least I'm realizing after all these years that if I don't make a start to help myself, then I can't get the help I need.

[Frankbtl]

Hey, well done Evaluna!!!!
Sounds like a big achievement there!!! Not only chatting to the first group of people but to the second group as well and the amount of time you stayed engaged, good one!!!
And you are so right about the importance of being honest about the way you're feeling in appointments. And there really should be nothing wrong with facing and saying when things are bad, that can be a real road to getting the help and support you need towards turning things around.
And, from how you handled today................
!!!!!!



Alison

[Rose76]

That's an uplifting story. How nice that you feel free to make behavioral choices and step outside your comfort zone. I think you've just demo'd a lot of what recovery is all about. Good for you. Apply that thinking to more and more situations and you can be real hopeful about your future being better than your past . . . . for you and your child.