[ForeverLonelyGirl]

That is the best description I can come up with. I sort of hate posting in this depression topic, it feels like swimming in a lake where everyone is drowning. So very many super depressed people. Not sure where I fit in but I am definitely depressed among other things.

My whole mind and body is damaged from long term klonopin use. I know I sound like a broken record, repeating myself over and over about this. It affects me every minute and hour of the day. The NON sleep I get. I go from being awake to asleep in a heart beat and never realize any in between which is weird. The non sleep is not very restful, I wake up feeling tired every single day since Feb of 2013! This is no way to live. People are tired of hearing about the whole withdrawal syndrome.

I have anxiety, social phobia, driving phobia, ringing in the ears, stomach pain, head pain, not headaches but my brain actually hurts. I have to massage my head all the time, very strange...nothing I have ever experienced. I have felt like banging my head against a wall or like even hitting myself in the head with a hammer! Never felt that before either. Anything to stop the throbbing in my brain. Creepy crawlies on the skin, like bugs are crawling on me at times. A lot of that on the face.

No doctor acknowledges the symptoms, talk about feeling hopeless. I am isolated, most of the time do not want to go out and be around people. I think they are looking at me strange and that I look hideous. Feel uncomfortable around others most of the time. Occasionally I do not feel that way and can go out and do my shopping. This is actually worse than when I felt seriously suicidal. I feel a lot of anger towards people a lot for no real reason.

My grown sons are not very supportive, cannot handle it when I cannot do something that they think I should. All I hear is that I should be exercising. Yeah, whatever. I have never felt so completely miserable in my own skin. Not sure how much more I can take of this. I was told it would be better at 2 years off the crap. That is not far off. I do feel hopeless much of the time. And angry that there is no help for this. I don't understand why a doctor would put anyone through this and then refuse to help! There is no help, believe me. I have checked every avenue. Even going back on a benzo is not an option. Truly it is a living hell. I am not going to die, I am just going to live like this forever. My friend here is going through the same exact thing, she said today that she would just like to put her head in an oven. What does that say?

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

No doctor acknowledges the symptoms...

Frustrating (gross understatement). I have dealt with non-acknowledgement of my symptoms by 1) going to a different doctor, and 2) going with lots of documentation in hand.

But you've tried and tried without success, and in your condition you have close to zero energy to mobilize for further trials.

Who could advocate for you? (I ask myself and anyone else reading.)

It is frustrating that doctor's do not acknowledge that approximately 40 percent of those discontinuing benzos will experience the very common symptoms you have. If I recall, you went off cold turkey which, as a warning to all, regrettably can cause very uncomfortable withdrawals, sometimes protracted. IMO, I know how bad you're suffering, but you should be proud for hanging in there for 19 months and being benzo free. These uncomfortable symptoms will eventually cease, but should be a reminder to all who are discontinuing benzos to taper slowly! A slow taper typically is much more comfortable and will help one avoid going protracted. If you can't find a doctor to help. I've found most naturopaths or osteopaths are very supportive, comforting and knowledgable about benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome, along with protracted withdrawals. Often, they offer sliding scales or very discounted rates. You are only 19 months out from being a long time user, as I recall, I suspect most Benzo wise docs wouldn't even consider you protracted yet. Miserable yuck yes and I "get it." IMO, for a cold turkey benzo withdrawal, you are doing well by hanging in there. Your symptoms will eventually stop, time is your friend, throw out the calendar. You've got awhile before you need to be worrying about protracted w/d IMO. Enjoy the windows, if you get them, you will get more and your body will feel better.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Hi sunnyfan,

Yes I did cold turkey. However it was completely out of my hands. I had gone to a hospital for help with finding a new antidepressant and got in this dungeon they called a behaviorial health hospital. Somehow I was committed? The worst doctor I have ever met in my life, discontinued my klono in my medication list before ever laying eyes on me. So I was stuck there for 4 days, unable to leave. By the time I went to a NP for help, she would not reinstate a low dose valium to help. So I was put through this hell for no good reason, other than the doctor was an absolute sadist. I heard that he did this to other patients as well.

I hope he is reserved a special place in hell for putting people through this, there is no excuse. I was just too weak emotionally to attempt a lawsuit. I could have had a stroke and died, my blood pressure went sky high. It was very frightening.

I understand that protracted withdrawal is considered at 18 months or more. This whole thing definitely makes life very unlivable.

Hi FLG,

What a horror story. That doc should be fired!

Just to reassure you, I believe protracted withdrawal is diagnosed 18 months AFTER finishing a slow taper. That being said, if you did a slow planned taper off, say 3 mg., doing the Ashton Method, you would be benzo free in about 18 months. If, after being benzo free from a slow taper, you still may be symptomatic for many months without being considered protracted. It's just a marathon for many of us. When you're in it you think it will never end. That's a sx of benzo withdrawal syndrome. Hang in there.

[Tucson]

I found that a taper of clonazepam involves breaking a 1 mg tablet into four pieces.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by Tucson

I found that a taper of clonazepam involves breaking a 1 mg tablet into four pieces.

You can do it that way, I've found lots that do some research before attempting use very small fractions to taper with. They can take more than a year. My personal opinion is that just prolongs the agony. So truly I do not know which is the best way to taper off. All the folks I have talked with about it seem to suffer the very same miseries either way.

FLG, I am doing a slow taper and know many others who are. It is a marathon, yet I can sleep 8 hours per night, spend quality time with my boy's, drive daily, exercise daily., keep my weight under control. Am I suffering. Yes. I don't believe those of us "lucky" enough to experience BWS can have a symptomless taper. Have I had windows get? No. However. I know what can happen with an over zealous taper. My ex shrink tried to get me off way too fast, I ended up in the closet shaking, chronically suicidal for the first time ever, severe DR/DP. I suffered this way for four months. Once I found a benzo wise doc , we had to reassess my taper so I could function OK most days and statistically avoid protracted withdrawals. It's about the gaba receptors regrowing...do you want to be uncomfortable getting to the finish line or miserable and risk protracted withdrawals. Yes, some will be miserable even with a slow taper. A cold turkey, I know it is not your fault, invites serious trouble for most and often reinstatement. Hang in there.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Good for you sunnyfan! Sounds like you are doing great. I still only sleep 3-6 hours a night that has not been "sound" since Feb of last year. I think that the insomnia is the worse part of this now, reading the list of problems that long term sleeplessness can cause, such as heart problems is quite scary. Plus I do have some of the symptoms of congestive heart failure at times. I truly believe that how I feel each day depends on how I slept the night before. The last 2 nights, it was 3-4 hours after 5:30 am and today has been awful. If I have plans, I have to cancel them when this happens.

Sounds like you are functioning very highly. I do wish for you that things get better soon. I am a long ways from being where you are. As you probably know, the bad thing too is wondering IF I will ever get back to functioning anywhere near normal again.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with me.