[aroseb2014]

I am a mother of a 1 year old beautiful girl. She's my life. Ever since I've had her though, my relationship with her father has dwindled. We used to be so happy. Now. We fight.

I started drinking, I quit for 2 years. I started smoking. After I quit for 2 years. Each time of drink a beer, i feel like I'm failing my daughter. But at the time it helps my anxiety /depression. I know it's not the answer.

I wanna be the best role model for my daughter. I want to be the best girlfriend.

I could go on.

[Frankbtl]

Hi aroseb2014, welcome to PC!!
Firstly hopefully I'm going to be making this a little easier by encouraging you to knock this of your list: "I want to be the best girlfriend".
I'd say that the most important thing is for you to want to be the best person you can be for you, not for some guy/not to fit in with what someone else might like. You aim to be feeling good about yourself for you, OK?? Self worth shouldn't just be based on what someone else/a boyfriend thinks/feels about you, who might not even value you for you at the end of the day. Hopefully will, but..............
And...........the drinking............really well done on quitting assuming you needed to. Just proves you have it in you to do that, I know it can be easier said than done but it's not impossible, right??!! Were there any particular things that helped you last time??? Anything you can do (activities) instead when you'd otherwise have a drink??? Maybe remove some of the temptation by pushing yourself not to buy the drink to begin with??? Any support you could pull on friends or family??? Or is it a situation where AA could help???
Because while it might temporarily reduce the depression, you know alcohol is a depressant and the temporarily bit won't necessarily last long before it makes things worse.
That's all only relevant if drinking is a problem though??
And the smoking........I'm not even sure I want to go there, quitting drinking and smoking at the same time sounds like............"Are you, sure?????!!!!!!!". And you might find you start smoking less if you quit the drinking anyway?????
The relationship with your daughters father............any reasons you can think of that it might have dwindled e.g. breakdown in communication, need to talk more.share things more. Maybe some real "heart to heart" talks could help a little????
As for your daughter though.........it sounds like you love her very much, and that's got to show in how you care for her which is one of the most important things in being a mother. Sure it can be real tough at times but the main thing is that love for her. So absolutely I'd say you're worth being a mother.
The other things in your life you can work on............but the relationship with your daughter I'd say you're going to be well on track for

And something I should have asked before, do you think there's a possibility you're struggling with postnatal depression at all?? Something to consider??? If so, there can be plenty of help out there, so please don't hesitate in pulling on that. It's what it's there for.



Alison

[winter4me]

Put the child first. One way to be a really good parent is to model good behavior, even the behavior needed to fix what is going wrong---and if you are your best self, you will be the best for your child. It might not be bad for you and the boyfriend to separate a while. How involved is he in child care? Does he share your concerns and want to be the best dad he can be? If yes, you can work together, with some help---if he has disengaged...
Always let your child know you love her, ...and when needed, that you are not perfect but always there for her. There are two parents here, and one child....why are you putting it all on you/about you in a sense?