[gettingthere78]

A brief background history before I start. Depression and alcoholism seem to run inthe family. I am not close to any family members and have an especially bad relationship with my mother due to her not wanting another child, me, and her irresponsibility in many things. After she divorced my father she married a man who sexually molested me from the age of 9 to 17. At age 15 I told her about the abuse and wasnt believed. Eventually through my brother and father she cane to believe me but told me I was provoking her husband into doing what hed done and I was trying to ruin their marriage. She stayed married to him for another 2 years and I had to live with them while my brother was older and allowed to leave. I became promiscuous and eventually became pregnant at 18. By the time my son was born my mother had divorced again and it was just her and I living together as I could bot afford a place of my own. I paid mine and my sons portion of rent, food etc while working 2 jobs and occasionally a third. I have grown up in pubs around a lot of drinking, sex etc and did not want that for my child. I wanted stability for him and a proper family structure, mother father, quality time etc which he was not getting from me as I worked every day and night at odd hours. He also needed an operation for a congenital disorder the cause of which was anticonvulsant medication I had previously been on. At this time, through my mothers first divorce she had free medical aid and I didnt. As I cud not afford the operation I allowed my mother to adopt my son so that he would be on med aid and thus thw operation would be paid for. The agreement however was that once the operation was complete he would be adopted again by me. This never happened and my mother hasbeen using this to blackmail and extort me for money and favours and keeps saying she would allow me to re adopt if I met her needs. I have however all tjis time, 8 years later, still featured in my sons life as his mother and still do all the normal mom things. I however have refused to pay for anything for him, schooling etc until he is back in my name and she has had to pay. 4 years ago I met a wonderful, stable normal man who is now my husband. We moved away from my mother for work and better money purposes for 3 years. During that time I was very stressed as I had to leave my son with my mother because legally he is hers. I visited for 3weeks at a time every 3rd month and skyped regularly without fail. This was a very stressful and sad time for me.
Back to the present day. My husband has immigtated to another, safer country and I am to follow once I have sorted out the last of the accounts here and have sold the car. Although we skype regularly, I havnt seen him in 2 months which has been hard and will not see him for another month at least although vit could be longer as I am struggling to sell the car which will be the deciding factor in whether or not I can pay all debt and my ticket, visa etc. I am very overwhelmed by the amount of things I have to organise and and have no one to help me. I decided to stay with my mother as it would be easier on me financially. But it hasnt been. She has sucked me dry. And on topof It she Iis doing all she can to turn my son against me. She sends him away regularly to stay at my brothers house, whom I despise and have nonothing to do with. She passes rude comments to me regularly in front of other people and when I retaliate or ask her not to she blows up and screams profanities at me. My mother and brother hasve also been slandering me to family members, all of which is completely untrue and I dont know why I am being attacked. The only person who belives me is my father who unfortunately lives far away and he recently revealed to me that my mother was institutionalised twice during their marriage and her behaviour was the cause of the divorce. He has teied speaking to her and my brother to no avail. So the problem is that I am overwhelmed with so much to do in such a short space of time, my mother and brother are giving me hell, I miss my husband terribly, I have issues about my childhood but not because of the abuse but because of my mother, I have little money, little support , only one friend who is currently going through a rough patch so I dont want to burden her, my son being still young doeant understand whats going on and is now siding with my mother and that hurts me terribly. Hes yhe the most beautiful thing in my life and I have worked hard to try create a stable life for him by finding a suitable father figure with a stable income and predictable habits. And while I have been forced to leave my son in my mothers care I jad hoped she would see that the life I have created foe myself has so much more to offer him and shed stop using him as a pawn and return him to me but this now seems unlikely. I am very depressed, I cant afford to see a medical specialist to help me or even give me pills as I cant afford it. I am on over the counter anxiety pills which dont seem to help much and I ha e been drinking heavily each night even tho I know alcohol is in fact a depressant. It makes me forget just for that short while. Im sorry this is so long, I have tried to shorten it to just the basics. I really need advice urgently! I dont kbow how to move forward

[Fuzzybear]

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Ashleycw87.

Wow.

Given all that has happened and is happening to you, it's no wonder you are depressed, anxious and more.

Did the police/constabulary ever investigate the abuse?

Is there anyone near you - friend, social worker, clergy, etc. - who could offer practical help to you in accomplishing what is necessary for you to be reunited with your husband?

Republic of South Africa Department of Social Development - Services???
PsychCentral Survivors of Abuse forum