[Ad Intra]

I'm so, so confused. A month ago I thought I was doing fine, not amazing, but fine. However I can feel myself slipping into depression and suicidal thoughts. Now as I'm going to sleep I'll think of suicide, in class I'll daydream about it, the other day I even made a joke about suicide.
I don't want to tell my t because
1) She has been talking about terminating
2) I'm at a low suicide risk
3) I can't explain these feelings, and I have nothing huge going on that would cause it.
4) I have coping skills

However I know I should say something because if I ignore this it will become worse and I already had one attempt back in 2010.

Wednesday I see my pdoc and she always asks me if I'm having sui thoughts. I've been going back and forth, between telling the truth, and lying. I know if I say yes she'll tell my t and I'll be stuck in therapy longer (I like t, but I'm tired of going to therapy). I'd rather be in denial about this.

[Rohag]

Hello, Ad Intra. Have you considered telling your pdoc both -- yes, you do have suicidal thoughts and you are tired of going to therapy. Would your pdoc rationally clarify things with you?

[Astridetal]

I honestly believe the truth is important. You could tell your pdoc that you can cope fairly well and are at a low risk, but that you are having htese thoughts anyway. Your pdoc may be able to help you safeguard yourself without much longer therapy. With depression, these thoughs can come and go and it's your therapist's task to teach you copign skills, not to wave a magic wand and hten the thoughts are gone. For this reason, I don't see why sui thoughts mean you need more therapy per se.

[Tangerine87]

Good luck. Telling t about Sui thoughts is a nightmare. First they're calm then all of a sudden they throw a bombshell on you. But I'm just bitter.

[shabur]

My T always asks if I am "safe". She started this several months ago after I emailed her one day telling her I was sorry I had not been truthful when she asked if I was suicidal at the end of my appts. I told her that while I didn't believe I was suicidal, I often thought about it. I didn't want to be hospitalized again. She responded back thanking me for telling her this, but she also reminded me there is a difference between thinking and acting on it and she hoped I would tell her if I was considering acting on it. Now, at the end of my appts she asks if I am safe and I can honestly answer her. The word "safe" is easier to respond to.

[Ad Intra]

When I say coping skills I mean that T had taught me many skills. Sometimes I use them and they work, other times they don't.
Also I feel like since therapy will be ending soon, then why stay longer?

[CosmicRose]

Take it one day at a time. Imagine you had a terminal illness and only had one day left to live. We are all terminal, that's the reality of life. The only thing left to do is appreciate each day and literally treat it as if it were our last. Then you will notice how friggin amazing it is to be anything at all.