[Abe Froman]

I've told my therapist this. I've told my mom part of this, but would have to probably tell my mom most of it.

I'm 36 years old and was supposed to graduate from college this semester(finance and economics). i dropped out to seek treatment. But I could still very easily graduate in August.

But I kind of don't feel like going back to school or anything right now, ever really. I don't feel like I deserve a degree.

So I'm tempted to sell most of my stuff, really downsize, and move into the trailer behind my buddy's mom's place. It's cheap rent. I could have my dog and my cat.

Then get a job waiting tables or bartending at night, that's kind of my background anyway. Quit therapy, get off the meds, and start getting very drunk every night after work until, well, it's over.

This is very seriouly on my mind.

[sergeantpunch]

No hold on. Just do it. I cracked up a bit like that doing a business degree that I nearly finished and I dropped out in the last semester and it's not a good idea.

[Rohag]

Feel free to ignore these questions:
How did your therapist react?
Could you explain a bit more about your feeling you don't "deserve" a degree?

[waterknob1234]

Be careful about making a decision you might regret. Take some time and rethink. Are you concerned about being able to work in the area of finance and business management? Do you think you have another calling? Or is depression influencing your thoughts and feelings? Best wishes.

[Altered Moment]

The problem with that strategy, while it will take the pressure off, is that getting very drunk every night will probably make you much more depressed so not really solve the problem.

[Abe Froman]

First, thank you for all responses and comments.

My therapist, and old professor of mine, and my mom all responded basically by saying I would regret the decision. That if I will finish my degree then going back into the restaurant business will still be there, but so will a job in finance.

I definitely have some self punishment going on and it is definitely affected by my depression. There was a major trigger in July, prior to that i was gung ho about graduating and I had already spoken to several masters programs about starting one very soon after finding a job.

I do have callings. But studying finance and econ have been a real joy. It just got to be all too much. But the fact is that this double major could be taken into any field like the restaurant business i used to be in, insurance, banking, or corporate finance. So if I finish, it's basically wide open to what I want to do.

I know getting drunk every night will make it worse. i guess that's the point is to maybe push me to the brink and get it over with.

Here's the plan, sign up for classes on Nov 5th. That's just going through the motions. I can drop up until January 9th or so with no consequences. My therapist feels that I will see some changes over the next 6 weeks. But if not, i'm looking into ways to not go to school in the spring and continue this treatment "full time" for another five months and see how I feel. I could do that and still graduate in Dec 2015 instead of Aug 2015. Maybe my attitude could change in that time frame.

I guess i was just venting about how my depression makes me feel. Again thank you for all feedback. It's nice to be able to say it to people who understand.

[Nammu]

I dropped out a semester short of graduating with a double major and have regretted it ever since. Even if you are not in a place to use the degree right away it will be there and will be a great help when you look for work, even in a differen field.

[hvert]

Finish the degree, then move into the trailer if you still want to. You are so close to finishing -- that piece of paper could make the difference between a door opening or closing later on in life. It would be one thing if you were just starting, but you are just wrapping this up. I hope you can get through, even with the bare minimum, and get your degree.

[Altered Moment]

Yeah there doesn't have to be a time limit on it. Do what you can handle realistically. I was just talking to my therapist about going back to school. I would sign up for 15 hours of very hard science classes, get all A's for one semester and then the next semester drop out or fail. That exact thing has happened to me twice. If I go this time maybe I can be more realistic about how to approach it. My all or nothing thinking gets in my way.

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[Minelrie]

Get your degree... don't put it off. I didn't force myself to do it and I lost everything. If I had just gotten up and finished... now my boyfriend is my ex and hates me and I hate myself. I finally got myself back in it and will finish in December but I could have finished a long time ago. The damage I did to my emotional health... I have always regretted it.

[CosmicRose]

That sounds like a good plan, aside from the getting drunk every night and not finishing your degree. There's nothing wrong with moving into a trailer if it's cheap rent, but I'm sure your liver won't appreciate you getting drunk every night - and neither will your boss at your bartending gig. That's a good way to get fired, you're not supposed to drink on the job even if you're the one selling drinks. Finish your degree since you're almost done with it anyway, it'll feel great once you actually have that degree and you frame it on your wall - no one can ever take that away from you. Regardless if you get a degree at 25 or 36, there are no dates on a degree and it will be a constant reminder that you achieved something great.

[Abe Froman]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

That sounds like a good plan, aside from the getting drunk every night and not finishing your degree. There's nothing wrong with moving into a trailer if it's cheap rent, but I'm sure your liver won't appreciate you getting drunk every night - and neither will your boss at your bartending gig. That's a good way to get fired, you're not supposed to drink on the job even if you're the one selling drinks. Finish your degree since you're almost done with it anyway, it'll feel great once you actually have that degree and you frame it on your wall - no one can ever take that away from you. Regardless if you get a degree at 25 or 36, there are no dates on a degree and it will be a constant reminder that you achieved something great.

On the subject of getting drunk every night, I never did it at work. I'd get off work anywhere between 10:00 pm and 5:00 am depending on which job it was over the years, then start hitting it hard. So I'd drive home and drink cheap rot gut to pass out every morning, sleep until about an hour before work, get to the job. I'm an old pro at it. Just haven't done that in about 7 years.