why can't I like me?

Things have been somewhat improving the past few months, but still it seems like it's not enough.
i am still unhappy and i don't know what to do about it anymore.

I've tried going out with friends, but instead of making me happy, it reminds me of the past and of what i don't want to be or want to do. I don't like my friends anymore and I don't feel i'm good enough for other people. or something like that. I don't have the confidence to make new friends, but i'm tired of being alone.

I exercise. I've lost weight, which made me feel better about myself, but I'm still not satisfied.

I've been getting along with my family, or at least have been trying to not take things too seriously or let them bother me too much.

I'm finally able to start school this May, which I have been wanting to do for a long time, and it has been my goal my whole life to go to college. But for some reason, now that I CAN go, I don't feel like it. I don't feel that I can make it.
I know that I'm smart, but i just dont think i'm smart enough.

All this has helped, ALOT, but still, i am not happy.

I really think it mostly has to do with the fact that I am not confident in myself and I have a very low self esteem.
I started working, which is good..
But I've been so quiet at work and kept to myself and not very friendly and open, which is not like the real me. So i prety much just stand there the whole time (when i'm not busy) all alone, bored to death, feeeling stupid.

I know I must not be that bad because there are people that supposedly like me.. but i just don't believe it.
When someone tells me i'm smart, i don't believe it.
when someone tells me i'm pretty or something like that, i don't believe it either, and i think they're just being polite. I really do. I don't believe people really like me, because if they did, they would show it, not just say it.
maybe they do, and i'm just too expecting too much.

so, how do i change this?
How do I make myself feel better about myself, if myself doesn't like me?
i know, confusing.
I've changed my atittude about life and it helped so much, but i can't do anything and can't change anything and be happy, if im not happy with myself.

If I can't even like myself then how can others like me?
I'm so lost.
what do i do? where do i go?
i'm not going to a therapist/councelor again. the lady i went to see didn't help at all.
maybe i have to do this on my own. But how?

I am so sorry that you feel the way you do. I can honestly say that I know how you feel because I don't like me either. I have never liked me. I still don't like me. I have a 7-yr-old boy that I'm scared to death is going to grow up and not like me either, but how can he (or anyone else) ever like me when I don't feel like I'm a likeable (sp) person?

I am sorry that I don't have an upbeat answer for you. I have seen more therapists than I can count so I don't want to go back to therapy either. I think that I might give it one more shot though. It has been recommended to me that I go to one of the local universities as they charge on a sliding scale. Something I might be able to afford as I'm no longer working.

One of the things that has helped me not feel so bad about myself is communicating to people here at PC. I also IM a lady that I befriended when I was on a diet. (It was a diet that has online support and chat / forum boards.) We IM each other every day!! I also have befriended a young lady at LiveJournal.com. It also helps for me to have a journal at LJ. As I write down my feelings, I can take a more objective look at them. It also helps when my friends read my journals and made remards about what I've written.

Are you seeing a doctor for depression or anything? Are you on any type of medication? I am on several different mood stabilizers and an anti-depressant, both of which have helped me a great deal. I can now at least tolerate myself during that day. I still don't like myself.

I've only done it twice, but I have been in this chat room and have received warm welcomes both times. It's really hard for me to open up and make friends. That's why I only have about 4 friends. And 2 of those I've never met in person before!! You may find it easier to open up to people in the chat room. Why don't you give it a try?

Please keep me posted. PM me anytime. I may not have the perfect answer, but I am a good listener.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

I turned around what I was spending energy on and just "accepted" what other people said/saw and started looking to see if they were correct instead of "not believing." I doubt you have any "evidence" to saying you're not smart? They probably do have evidence that you are, they're looking at you from the "outside" so only see "real" things? Get very literal like that; you're going to college, you have to have a certain amount of smarts?

I love asking my husband what he sees my strengths as because he's very "flattering" and specific and I know I trust his judgement (so can trust it here, too, even if I don't "see" it yet) so I work with what he says and try to see specifics. If one is looking for good things instead of "denying" them or worrying about belief/no belief, one's perspective and orientation changes. Looking at/for good, happy things; you will literally see/find those types of things. What can you find with disbelief?

Were I you I would start by just suspending my disbelief as irrelevant? I'd find some one simple thing someone specific has commented on, "I like you" or "You're smart/sweet/kind/a hard worker, etc." and look for what the other person sees. I'll bet you'll find it and that will make you think better of yourself :-)