[Curupira]

I made it through my doc appointment. My new PCM is an incredibly kind and gentle nurse practitioner, who made sure to keep me comfortable. My husband was there to hold my hand so that helped keep my anxiety in check.

There is a concern about scar tissue so I have to schedule a (TMI WARNING) trans vaginal ultrasound (END TMI WARNING) which has me on edge because that will be significantly more triggering for me.

We have also made the decision to put a permanent end to my child bearing ability for the sake of my health. I am still working out how I feel about that. I am 30. I have a beautiful daughter. I don't think I want anymore biological children but this is a final step.

[gayleggg]

This has to be hard for you. I can understand it being triggering. I hope all goes well.

As the mother of an only child, I can say there are many benefits and joys to having only one child. Enjoy, they grow up fast.

[TheOriginalMe]

GIn my experience TV scans are no worse than any other internal exam

I recently had a procedure that effectively ended my fertile years. Even though I had long since accepted that I wouldn't have children it was still a very significant moment. Ultimately though I have found the decision liberating. I hope that once you have had time to adjust you will be able to feel something similar too.

[Curupira]

I hope so as well. My first internal scan was fine (confirming my pregnancy with my daughter) My second and third were with me being help down to a hospital bed and screaming in pain while I was bleeding internally. I don't blame the ER docs. I was dying and they could not figure out why but it was definitely in the traumatic end of the spectrum.

I have good coping strategies. My therapist is great, she reminded me that I am in control, that I can dictate how and who is allowed to touch me, my husband has already said he will take the day off work to be with me and I have my anti-anxiety meds that I can take before I go in to calm me down.

It is just the wait. It is not always possible to be seen right away so trying to stay calm while I wait till the day is rough.

Original: I think you are right, the husband and I have been going back and forth on this for over a year now, ever since I ended up in the ER. We did not want to make the decision in a hurry or out of fear, but I think it is time. My health should come first.

[TheOriginalMe]

It was really brave of you to describe your experience I can't imagine how frightening that situation would be. You are right, the waiting is always the hardest as it is the bit you can't control.

[waterknob1234]

Best of wishes to you. You have to keep your health in mind.