[cloud2314]

I just hate myself, just everything about me. I hate that I’m an introvert or an ambivert or whatever. I just wish I was outgoing and charismatic. Sure I love reading a good book or movie and don’t mind being by myself but I’d rather be surrounded by people doing crazy things. I want to be this larger than life person but at the end of the day I’m just me. Boring old me. I guess I can’t blame people for not wanting to be around me, I guess I wouldn’t want to be around me either. But that’s what I am, boring, worthless nothing of a person. Easily forgettable. Just nothing. My so called "friends" at my university forget about me all the time. Out of a group of about 15 people or more walking to a party, they forgot to tell me they were leaving and I had to walk alone. And now i'm not in any group chat anymore. We were all "squad" but I fell into a depression spell after not getting into a sorority. And since then I've felt excluded.
At my sister’s high school there was this popular girl who committed suicide and the whole school was upset, even other schools heard about it. Then there was this guy who felt invisible and said that he bet if he killed himself no one would care. He did shortly after, and no one did care.
I feel that if I were to die then that’d be me. Besides my family, no one would care.
Its so hard to get through the day sometimes. When Im high up in a building I look out a window and wish I could just jump out of it. That’d be a way to go.
I’m just so tired of trying when nothing seems to work. I try to be pretty, and funny, and to step out of my comfort zone, but at the end of the day I’m still invisible. After all that trying. Then there’s some girl who does nothing and everyone loves her. What am I doing wrong ? Whats wrong with me ?

[Altered Moment]

There is nothing wrong with you. We are who we are. Accepting ourselves exactly as we are is difficult but can be very freeing. Paradoxically it can also make it easier to change things we want to change. I will never become an exrovert and that is ok but over the years I have become a lot better in social situations and more outgoing at times.

[Frankbtl]

Hi cloud2314, well in terms of people caring for you.........welcome to PC!!!
It's a great community here and lots of caring people, stick around with us and you are going to find people caring about you and what you're going through!!!
And IRL..........well I'm wondering if it's the depression that's stopping you from making some of those connections. It can be really hard make/feel connections when you're feeling depressed. It doesn't mean you're boring, it doesn't mean you're worthless, it doesn't mean you're not likable it more means that it's "standing in your way".

And you know maybe the kind of people you're hanging out with/would like to hang out with aren't helping either..........if they're only really going to be interested in you if you were to be "outgoing and charismatic" then I'm not really sure they're the kind of people you should need/want to be with anyway. Maybe it's a lot less about you but much more about them. Perhaps worth trying to focus in on less but more genuine, caring people???

And when you say........."I try to be pretty, and funny, and to step out of my comfort zone, but at the end of the day I’m still invisible. After all that trying".........sounds like you're doing that to get noticed, to feel you matter.........???
Well you matter anyway, and people should like you for who you are!!! A little more focus on yourself, hey??? And finding/trying/doing things you enjoy for you. And if you like read some good books, watch some movies.........that does not make you boring.!! Maybe you can even eventually hook up with people who share those interests, who like that about you. Just try to be "true to yourself" and feel comfortable being you, hey?? Because there's nothing wrong with you.
And depression..........well we're here for you on that (and anything else!! )
Again, welcome to PC!!!!

Alison

[vital]

Originally Posted by cloud2314

I just hate myself, just everything about me. I hate that I’m an introvert or an ambivert or whatever. I just wish I was outgoing and charismatic. Sure I love reading a good book or movie and don’t mind being by myself but I’d rather be surrounded by people doing crazy things. I want to be this larger than life person but at the end of the day I’m just me. Boring old me. I guess I can’t blame people for not wanting to be around me, I guess I wouldn’t want to be around me either. But that’s what I am, boring, worthless nothing of a person. Easily forgettable. Just nothing. My so called "friends" at my university forget about me all the time. Out of a group of about 15 people or more walking to a party, they forgot to tell me they were leaving and I had to walk alone. And now i'm not in any group chat anymore. We were all "squad" but I fell into a depression spell after not getting into a sorority. And since then I've felt excluded.
At my sister’s high school there was this popular girl who committed suicide and the whole school was upset, even other schools heard about it. Then there was this guy who felt invisible and said that he bet if he killed himself no one would care. He did shortly after, and no one did care.
I feel that if I were to die then that’d be me. Besides my family, no one would care.
Its so hard to get through the day sometimes. When Im high up in a building I look out a window and wish I could just jump out of it. That’d be a way to go.
I’m just so tired of trying when nothing seems to work. I try to be pretty, and funny, and to step out of my comfort zone, but at the end of the day I’m still invisible. After all that trying. Then there’s some girl who does nothing and everyone loves her. What am I doing wrong ? Whats wrong with me ?

Hi Cloud. You're talking to an old dude here. The closest thing I have to your experience is watching the trailer for "Mean Girls."

One question does occur to me, however. Why do you give a **** about what your so-called friends think about you?

There is so much good stuff ahead for you, you wouldn't even believe it if I told you. Maybe for now, you could develop a bad attitude? Like "I don't give a crap about you ****-heads?" Just a thought.

- vital

[waterknob1234]

Hi Cloud, welcome to PC. I certainly don't think you are boring or worthless. Depression can make us feel bad about ourselves. Actually, you seem to be a smart, thoughtful person. I would seek out friends who share your interests. Spend time doing the things that make you happy.