[clearskys3]

To start off I have always been extremely reluctant to take anti-depressant medication. I just hated the idea I had in my head that I would be mindlessly happy because a pill made me when in reality I wasn't. Which essentially is exactly what this medication has made me feel like. My doctor prescribed this to me about a week or two ago because I told him about the extreme amount of anxiety I am having due to alot of stressful medical issues I am dealing with. He doesn't necessarily know how depressed I am or that I even am depressed but I feel he some what knows but I haven't told anyone how dead I actually feel. I have always had pretty bad anxiety but with these medical issues it has inhanced it so severely it felt I was loosing my mind and that my thoughts were so scrambled and confusing. So I have only been on it for a week or so but I feel I have noticed some changes.
I sort of feel kind of blank inside. Like emotionless most of the time and maybe even a false uprising feeling in my chest its strange to describe. I am sort of mindlessly happy and smiley at times and its almost like I catch myself in these moments and I'm kind of confused at myself. Some times alot of my thoughts come back to me about why I am so unhappy and it makes me extremely sad for a moment but then it just doesn't hit me all the way through if that makes sense. And I kind of hate that because i'm left feeling a nothingness but aware that inside me I'm really upset. When I see something I find beautiful or meaningful it doesn't really hit me how it did before. Like before I really would appreciate it and just be amazed and still sad but in like a good way like atleast something is beautiful and not ********.

I used to long for a relationship alot more and how amazing that would be for someone to genuinely care about me but I think in a way with this it took the beautiful meaningful bits out of my mind a little and left me kind of seeing I can't even envision myself in a relationship... And this thing would usually haunt me so deeply like the thought I was less of a person or just so different but now I am hit with a nothingness.

I mean I guess it's doing what its suppose to and it maybe even sound good for some people but I just don't like it. Like I am probably going to sound like a piece of **** for saying this and ungrateful or whatever but I don't want to be mindlessly happy for no reason or atleast because of a pill. I know i feel completely alone and different and angry and all of the above but I want to be happy because I have someone or people in my life that care about me for me. I want to be happy because I am no longer alone. I don't want to be happy just because I'm taking a pill that makes me feel sort of dumb and blank.

I also get it could still be a good thing in certains ways but I also haven't noticed that huge of an impact on my anxiety only my depression. And I suppose if I were to just not think thoroughly about the lack of emotion I feel I would be fine but I over think everthing and don't like the way that sounds anways to just ignore all deep and genuine thoughts. I just feel for some reason it takes a little bit of meaning out of relationships in some way. I can't describe it accurately and maybe I have some made up ideal in my head.

Basically I would just like to know if any of this makes sense to you or if I just sound selfish and don't want to be happy. Should I stop taking this? and does anyone who has or is taking this feel similar or gets were I'm coming from?

[gayleggg]

I wouldn't stop anything without my doctor's approval. I have learned from my mistakes. Maybe he could switch you to a different one.

[marmaduke]

Paxil takes about 6/8 weeks to work, before that it can make you feel worse.
I think you should hang on in there. I take it and its helps me, just wish I had it years ago.

I do feel a little numb, but I prefer that to the crippling depression I use to have.

I don't think any anti depressant makes you 'mindlessly happy' (I think I'd like that why not?) they just make you more normal.

Lots of people seem to have a big resistance to taking anti depressants, I don't understand why. If you were a diabetic and needed insulin you'd take that, whats the difference?

[Fuzzybear]

[vital]

Originally Posted by clearskys3

To start off I have always been extremely reluctant to take anti-depressant medication. I just hated the idea I had in my head that I would be mindlessly happy because a pill made me when in reality I wasn't. Which essentially is exactly what this medication has made me feel like. My doctor prescribed this to me about a week or two ago because I told him about the extreme amount of anxiety I am having due to alot of stressful medical issues I am dealing with. He doesn't necessarily know how depressed I am or that I even am depressed but I feel he some what knows but I haven't told anyone how dead I actually feel. I have always had pretty bad anxiety but with these medical issues it has inhanced it so severely it felt I was loosing my mind and that my thoughts were so scrambled and confusing. So I have only been on it for a week or so but I feel I have noticed some changes.
I sort of feel kind of blank inside. Like emotionless most of the time and maybe even a false uprising feeling in my chest its strange to describe. I am sort of mindlessly happy and smiley at times and its almost like I catch myself in these moments and I'm kind of confused at myself. Some times alot of my thoughts come back to me about why I am so unhappy and it makes me extremely sad for a moment but then it just doesn't hit me all the way through if that makes sense. And I kind of hate that because i'm left feeling a nothingness but aware that inside me I'm really upset. When I see something I find beautiful or meaningful it doesn't really hit me how it did before. Like before I really would appreciate it and just be amazed and still sad but in like a good way like atleast something is beautiful and not ********.

I used to long for a relationship alot more and how amazing that would be for someone to genuinely care about me but I think in a way with this it took the beautiful meaningful bits out of my mind a little and left me kind of seeing I can't even envision myself in a relationship... And this thing would usually haunt me so deeply like the thought I was less of a person or just so different but now I am hit with a nothingness.

I mean I guess it's doing what its suppose to and it maybe even sound good for some people but I just don't like it. Like I am probably going to sound like a piece of **** for saying this and ungrateful or whatever but I don't want to be mindlessly happy for no reason or atleast because of a pill. I know i feel completely alone and different and angry and all of the above but I want to be happy because I have someone or people in my life that care about me for me. I want to be happy because I am no longer alone. I don't want to be happy just because I'm taking a pill that makes me feel sort of dumb and blank.

I also get it could still be a good thing in certains ways but I also haven't noticed that huge of an impact on my anxiety only my depression. And I suppose if I were to just not think thoroughly about the lack of emotion I feel I would be fine but I over think everthing and don't like the way that sounds anways to just ignore all deep and genuine thoughts. I just feel for some reason it takes a little bit of meaning out of relationships in some way. I can't describe it accurately and maybe I have some made up ideal in my head.

Basically I would just like to know if any of this makes sense to you or if I just sound selfish and don't want to be happy. Should I stop taking this? and does anyone who has or is taking this feel similar or gets were I'm coming from?

Hi clearskys,

It makes sense to me. It sounds like you feel "happy" at times but you can sense that there is something artificial or limited about it. You can sense that there is still something really wrong.

Even though you've only been taking it a week, but still, if you want to get off of Paxil, you should do it with your MD. These drugs can be difficult to come off of.

I'm wondering if you've tried non-drug ways to get out of a depression? It sounds like you would prefer that if it is possible. There are quite a few things to try if you look around, including the "depression success stories" on this site.

I also feel obliged to point you towards this talk

13:44 in he talks about the many specific medical issues that can cause depression. If you have any of these, antidepressant's aren't going to fix the underlying problem.

- vital

[Altered Moment]

One week is not very long. Usually it takes 4 to 6 to 8 weeks but everyone is different and sometimes you can feel it is a week or two.

In my experience if an antidepressant works for me I feel like my normal true self. I feel a much wider range of emotions compared to being depressed. I am not always depressed so I know what I feel like when I feel what is normal for me. It never feels unnatural or altered or artificial. I have had lots that didn't work and in that case I can't even tell I am taking it. It just does nothing. That is just my experience and everyone is different.

Maybe give it some more time and then make a decision. One week is not really enough time to get up to a constant therapeutic level. The fact it is working on your anxiety is a good sign. For most people they don't work for anxiety. They don't understand fully how they work. The chemical imbalance theory is only part of the picture. It's possible they correct something amiss for some people and it is not unnatural. Everyone's experience is very different though. Its totally up to you if you want to take it or not. I have never thought of it as an artificial happy though.

I think a lot depends on what the underlying core cause are. If they are primarily medical and the stress that goes with that then maybe there are other means to deal with that. It is common for medical issues people are going through to cause anxiety and depression. Heart surgery for example.