Rough week

Just been crap to be totally honest and partially helped a long the way by my own confusion and despair at not knowing if meds are doing anything for me. Over the last few weeks I've had some candid chats with my p-nurse and T about the meds I'm on and to be honest I kind of gave up since the message I was getting (to me anyway) was that 1. They might not be the right ones & 2. Meds prescribed are essentially at whim depending on which p-doc you're registered with.

Initially I was forgetting to take them and then last few days I just stopped. Was getting bad withdrawals today (was expecting them, I don't have a problem cold turkying stuff) and my p-nurse picked up on it when he visited... I told him why and he pointed out the obvious (in hindsight, I guess I had my blinkers on) - that me being close to tears on other stuff we were discussing (will mention below) and other symptoms could in fact be the things the meds were calming down.

I promised to go back on them and though I still have a banging head ache... The glazed numbness has subsided somewhat.

As mentioned above about 'discussions', he had been in touch with my work on my behalf as I don't know where I stand with them (not really heard from anyone directly in an informal capacity since I was admitted in June)... My manager and I are to have an informal chat next month (I think, p-nurse is arranging it)... And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't petrified... I actually like my boss but this will be a serious chat about the practicalities of me returning.

I didn't anticipate having a break down... But the truth of the matter is that I was losing the plot some time before it and my work was suffering as a result... Things were left in a mess and I feel ****ing dreadful about it... And now I'm may have to talk to him about factors at work that contributed to it (some he'll know anyway; it's obvious I'm a bit socially skewed and have impractical notions) not so much as excuses but so as to ascertain if I can smoothly get back into the flow or if I'll fall apart again

Meh

Hi ToeJam. I hope things work out for you with your job and meds and everything. I can understand feeling stressed about work. Maybe getting back on the meds will help with some things.

In June 2013 I went off my Prozac cold turkey, not realizing I wasn't supposed to do this. I ended up going off and on several anti-depressants before the docs found a combination that seems to work.

Best of wishes to you.

Does not inspire confidence... But:
That's something.

Your concern about leaving things in a "mess" reflects well on you. However, how much of that "mess" was inevitable due to the kinds of systemic dysfunction you valiantly tried to make function at the cost of your stability?

Following and hoping...

Hi TJ, it does sound like you've been through a really hard week
And glad you're going to be back on your meds!! But at least now you know they're doing something, right? And even if it proves it would be better to change them for something else at some point at least they're doing something for now.
Nothing wrong at all with asking your pdoc for a bit more information/explanation as to why they're prescribing what they are and any longer term plans they may have, though.
It should be recognised that people should/need to be involved in any "treatment plans" (I'm sure I've picked that up from somewhere official but can't remember where!! ).
The prescribing at a whim though, maybe that's sometimes around different pdocs having or hearing about different success rates with different medications??? Which will of course depend on who they've seen/prescribed for.............and they should change medications as needed depending on how well they work/don't work anyway.
The work thing though.............maybe you could negotiate a staged return for when you're ready (!!) e.g. starting with a few hours a week??? And an action plan for how it's going to go e.g. you'll meet with your manager weekly for a review and to discuss any extra support you might need???

And for how your work was before........well very clear extenuating circumstances there!!! And your manager and you, together, should really be looking at the "bigger picture".........including when you were doing well too.
So deep breathes, hey??
It should be around what's best for you and supporting you!!

Alison

Hi TJ

Have you got an Employment Support Worker? They can advocate for you with your employers, negotiate a phased return and work with your employer on reasonable adjustments. Remember, there are grants that your employer can apply for to help meet the costs of reasonable adjustments. It might be that you can work from home if you find the social interaction of office life too triggering.

It is really important to take things slowly, I'm getting pushed quite hard at work with managers wanting to know when I'll be ready for full time work doing my full duties. My Doctor's fit note makes it clear that I need time to recover, time to attend appointments, and that normal tasks will take longer for me to complete. It is helpful having that back up.

There are so many things to consider and that is where an Employment Support Worker can help you out.

I also left my work in a right old mess because of not being able to function properly for months before I went on sick leave. Some of the mistakes I knew about, others I'm just finding out about now and I have the horrible dilemma of owning up to them, or hoping that no-one notices. So you really need to be able to negotiate a clean slate start if you do decide to go back to your old job.

Good luck with your meeting.