[Truthseeker14]

I wasn’t exactly sure where to post this. I’ve realized that I’ve always had a problem connecting with people. I didn’t think my third grade teacher would remember me a couple years later, even though I was one of her favorite students. I’ve always been between friend groups, or part of a friend group I don’t believe I belong in. I’m most interested in romantic relationships with people, maybe because I become hopeful in these. But most of my relationships end in apathy.

I can be a sucky friend; I almost have to force myself to answer texts or even to pay attention to people. It’s frustrating because I feel like I’m surrounded by a wall and that there’s nothing I can do about it. I also lack passion toward anything in general.

People don't usually see this in me, though. In fact I hadn't been objectively confronted with this until my counselor mentioned that I'm one of her least emotionally open clients.

I don’t know if it’s introversion or social anxiety or dysthymia or none of the above that affect me in this way, but I guess I was just wondering if anyone has felt this way, too.

[Altered Moment]

I think it is quite common for people in this section to feel that way.

What is hard to know is what is just a normal part of your nature and what is a problem for you.

For example. I have always been shy and introverted and had what is called a "flat affect". Meaning I never smile much or show much outward emotion even when I am feeling it inside. I never liked this much as people would make comments about it. Once I get to know people and they get to know me I form good friendships but it takes more time. It's a normal part of my personality that hasn't caused me a ton of problems.

On the other hand a couple of years ago I was in such a horrible depression that I didn't even look at my phone or touch my computer for four straight months. I was in total isolation as a result of the depression. That is a problem.

Sounds like some things are a part of your nature and you would like to change as they are causing you problems. I don't really know how to change what is innately part of my nature other than to accept it. I can make changes in my behavior though. Like if a friend and I run into a group of his friends that I don't know I tend to stand back and not say anything. So I try to force myself to be a little more outgoing and step up and introduce myself and do the small talk thing. I feel better about myself and more connected when I do that. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone makes a difference.

[randomname21223]

I deal with the same kind of stuff. I've recently learned to put on a happy face until I can be alone with my thoughts. I wish it wasn't so, but I'm just not good with people. It seems that you're the same way too. Get through life the best you can and try to do it with a smile on your face.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Fuzzybear]