broken pieces

I am new to this site and trying to figure everything out.
Since I was a young teen I have suffered from depression, and some where down the line I started have anxiety, not long after panic attacks. I had my first attempt when I was 15.
I have been on and off meds since I was a teen, many made me zombie like and one I was on for two years made me completely numb, no feelings whatsoever.
I live far from my family (five hour flight), all my friends are married, with kids or kids on the way. Some of them I can talk to, others it is always the quick answer "get over it". I often feel guilty and a burden to those I care the most about, which is why I rarely share with others.
There are days I don't want to get out of bed all I want to do is sleep. I don't want to leave the couch or the apartment for days.
Being able to be social is always a 50/50 chance. I get a lot of anxiety for meeting new people or being in crowds.
Recently had a breakup (lasted six months), made me feel terrible, everything was my fault, however I miss him very much.
I feel so alone, like I have no one. I have a lot of troubles focusing at work, I basically feel like I am falling apart. I cry a lot, often at work. I am tired. Living life waiting to die.

I can relate very much to what you said. Welcome to PC. You are not alone here I can tell you that. Keep reading and posting and join us.

You are definitely not alone. I feel the same way at times. I just got out of a 8 month relationship cause I was sick and tired of feeling like I was the main problem and that all the bad was my fault. It hurts to feel alone and to feel not wanted. What helps me is really trying to open my eyes at work and see how many people I work with really do care about me. I do the same thing at a friends house, do they seem distant or are they really listening? I am pretty sure many more people care for us than we all seem to believe, and see.

Recovery for us is possible, I'm starting to believe it more and more every day.

Have you tried meditation? Exercise? Healthy eating?

Meditation I believe would benefit you a lot, it benefited me a lot, but once I stopped my mind went straight back to the b/s of before. You have to be consistent and committed to the things that make you feel good/happy inside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big_Bear You are definitely not alone. I feel the same way at times. I just got out of a 8 month relationship cause I was sick and tired of feeling like I was the main problem and that all the bad was my fault. It hurts to feel alone and to feel not wanted. What helps me is really trying to open my eyes at work and see how many people I work with really do care about me. I do the same thing at a friends house, do they seem distant or are they really listening? I am pretty sure many more people care for us than we all seem to believe, and see. Recovery for us is possible, I'm starting to believe it more and more every day. Have you tried meditation? Exercise? Healthy eating? Meditation I believe would benefit you a lot, it benefited me a lot, but once I stopped my mind went straight back to the b/s of before. You have to be consistent and committed to the things that make you feel good/happy inside.

- A few of my friends will listen, however I have troubles talking about everything. I think I build a wall half way up so most dont really know me. Its dark in here most of the times. My biggest problem is finding the energy to do anything. I often have to force myself to do simple things.
I try to eat healthy and go on walks. People have been suggesting meditation, I obsess over everything.

What did your bf blame on you? Did you love this person? How long did it take you to get over everything?