This Hurt

Today was the last day in the office where I have worked for more than 10 years. The last year has been really hard for me and I've had a lot of time off. I had asked to be assigned different duties when I went back to work as I was being triggered by the things I normally deal with. Eventually, after 10 weeks they agreed to me moving to a different team in the New Year. On top of that they told me my contract will be terminated in April.

Normally when someone moves on there is a little gathering and a presentation where the managers say thank you, that sort of thing, then the suitably embarassed member of staff is given the afternoon off. Today was Christmas party day and my co workers were nice and said their goodbyes and gave me a gift. My boss came in for the party but left again, he didn't say thank you, he didn't acknowledge my contribution over the years, nothing. None of the managers came to see me either, I suspect because my boss hadn't told them about it being my last day.

I feel so hurt that after 10 years I didn't even rate a "So long and thanks for everything". One of my co workers told me they had arranged the gift because they could see my boss wasn't going to. It really hurts that someone who I trusted, someone I worked hard for over the years, did this to me, especially as he knows what I've been going through.

I am so sorry. What a horrible experience to have after you have worked there for so long. No wonder you felt so let down, sometimes people can treat you very badly. Who knows why your boss would act like that.

I am sorry to hear that! So bad boss ! You do not need to take care of him, because he is not worthy as your boss any seconds anymore. Get him off your mind ! Wish you will be ok as soon as!*

I am so sorry. It is sad that this is the way they would treat you after 10 years of service. That was so wrong. I know you feel hurt and bewildered and I would too.

Now is the time to rest and relax and look forward to the new place where you will work in January. I hope and pray that becomes a nice fresh start for you. You deserve a break. Best wishes.

Hi TheOriginalMe, I'm so sorry you were treated like that
I'm guessing that maybe it left you feeling frustrated, empty, "lost", pointlessness............alongside the hurt?? But please don't base any of your value, any of the value of the past 10 years on one person's actions.
Please allow yourself to be proud of how you came through the up's and the down's, the hard work you put in, giving it as much as you could, your perseverance, your loyalty, the differences you made, your successes, your achievements, the challenges you overcame...........no-one can take the importance of those things away, no-one can really diminish them because they're real, they're yours to keep. And you know how meaningful all of those things were better than anyone, right??!!
And that was touching that your coworkers were nice to you, acknowledged your situation/your leaving after.........and gave you a gift, right? They wanted you to know that you mattered/you matter so let that count too, hey?? They weren't told by management, no expectations on them.........and genuine heartfelt words and actions, hey? And that can be priceless, that says so much about you.
Now perhaps try to make the most of your time off, you've deserved it!!!
And if you can try to look forward to moving to he new team, they're going to be lucky to have you!!!

Alison

What happened to you is really horrible!
Your bosses were out of order. You gave them 10 years of hard work and loyalty. So you were off quite a bit in the last year because you weren't well, you came back and asked for less responsibilities - it takes a lot of courage to admit you were struggling. They should've been more understanding.
Remember not all bosses are like them!
Try and think positive for when you start your new job in the new year.

I went through the same thing when my PTSD and panic attacks forced me to quit my accounting job. Usually everyone would have a "sending" where everyone says something they like about you. Great little ceremony. I didn't get one. They kind of shooed me out of the back door when no one was looking.

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That's just flippin horrible. Some people can't see past their own nose.

I've been trying to figure that out. I wonder if it was just spite or whether I upset him in some way. I decided that he did it because I took control of my own future and he didn't like that much.

Well said, "bad boss!" I like that.

I'm really bad at admitting when I'm hurting, I always feel like I'm over-reacting, so it is good to know I'm being reasonable.

Their gift was the only thing that got me out of the office with out a melt down, it was nice as I wasn't really expecting anything, other than a "decent goodbye".

You are right, it was really difficult admitting that I couldn't face certain aspects of my job. I'm glad I never told my boss why I was being triggered as he would probably have judged me even more harshly.

Ouch, why are people so mean? I've left more than one job with out a proper send off, usually I was running away or being fired so I didn't expect or want a send off, but this time I thought they might acknowledge the good stuff I've done.

You are right - HE was horrible, HIS problem not mine.

Thank you everyone, I needed to work through that without letting it me drag me down. I'm really bad at allowing myself to have feelings and when I do, I tend to blame myself for how I'm feeling.

I need to grieve for the loss of a job that was a big part of my life for 10 years and I suppose I am scared of getting stuck at depression.

I'm past denial, it has happened and now I've got to look to the future.

I've got the anger bit nailed down, I was treated badly and it is OK to be angry, just not for too long and not with myself.

Bargaining, if only I'd kept my mouth shut and pretended I was OK, if only they'd listened. In reality I know I acted to keep myself safe and that is a strength not a weakness.

All those three stages are happening simultaneously and depression is definitely in the mix too, but it is hard to know how much of that depression is "me" and how much is the "situation". This year has been one step forward, one step back and I don't want this to become three steps back or a slide into the abyss.

I guess acceptance, if and when it comes will be a lot easier if I secure a permanent job before April, if I end up unemployed then acceptance may never come. Perhaps that is why I am so worried about getting stuck at depression, I see it as a barrier in my progress to acceptance and if I can't accept then I'll never get another job.

Thank you to anyone who makes it to the end of this post, it has helped me to put thoughts into words and I feel at least I make sense to myself and I can see why I'm feeling hurt.

Sorry Fuzzy I didn't forget you,

Yes the process of grief is one where you bounce all around in the stages. Nothing linear about it. I agree that your biggest concern would be getting stuck in depression as you are already vulnerable to it.

Your boss can't see past his current selfish situation which is a shame since you had ten good years. Making decisions based on what is best for you is very courageous. Give yourself credit. One day at a time and all shall be well!!!

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Good luck with securing a new job and good luck adjusting to one.
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