[jollybutdepressed]

Today is Sunday, December 28th 2014. 3 more days and it is already 2015. Today, during lunch something happened that was a little drastic. I walked out during family lunch. What is my reason? Because of my brother. I am the only girl in the family and you should think that I am treasured or cherished even, but that is not the case. I am more bullied just because the 3 of them are boys. Yes, I have 3 older brothers. But, this time, as used as I am with my brother's teasing, this really sparked my anger and I just HAD to walk out. I wanted to leave the house but, I have nowhere place to go. What did he do for me to walk out? Well, at first my mom pinched my fat belly while eating. Though I go a little frustrated with that because I have always been fat and I am already having issues with myself because I can't seem to lose the weight continuously, she added to my frustrations towards myself. Then I saw my brother talk to his daughter, my niece aged 9, and teaching her to tease me, and I felt that he is taking away the respect there.

I mean he already is disrespecting me with his constant teasing, but I can't help but get more frustrated when he teaches his kid how to tease or even "ridicule" other people. I may be too sensitive about it, but that's how I am. He destroyed my trust and respect towards him when he read my diary and used it against me during the toughest times in my life, and to think I was even close to him. That's why I am distant from him from then on. And now, my parents are upset with me because what I did was embarrassing for the family and offensive towards his wife. I don't know, whatever it is. They may be wrong, then again they can be right. I may be right, then again I may be wrong.

But with this incident, it makes me think more on wanting to end my f*****d up life and spare all of them the misery on having to live with me. Isn't it better if I were just gone and no more headache and no more worrying on what on earth and what the f**k is she going to do next. I am sure this will backfire at me and they will just make fun of me more and distance their children from me, but then again, so what? I mean, it will not matter whether or not the kids are close to me. I'd rather not let them be close to someone like me who is always a mistake and a failure. So I am giving them a favor if I just killed myself right here and right now, RIGHT?! RIGHT!!!!! With that said, goodbye world, it's been a whirlwind meeting you…..

[Angelique67]

Hi jollybutdepressed, I'm so sorry your brother got to you again. Family stuff just never goes away. But you feel better about yourself when you're not around them, right? Maybe not great, but better. I know it used to bother me terribly when my sisters used to tease me. Of course now, we're like strangers, but back when I was young I always felt stupid around them and condescended to. I lived far from them most of my life and that helped. I hope you'll feel a lot better soon. I don't think it's right for your brother to teach his kids that it's OK to tease you. I'd talk to him about that.

[Clara22]

Do you have any possibility of being self- sufficient to move out definitely? This seems to be a toxic environment for you. The family dynamics have problems and you are getting the heaviest consequences. I do not think they are ready to admit something is wrong, instead they target you. You are a beautiful young girl and I have faith you will succeed. We, women living in 3rd world countries, have to fight many fights, but in turn we are resilient. I wish you the best. Be more angry, and less sorry.

[jollybutdepressed]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Hi jollybutdepressed, I'm so sorry your brother got to you again. Family stuff just never goes away. But you feel better about yourself when you're not around them, right? Maybe not great, but better. I know it used to bother me terribly when my sisters used to tease me. Of course now, we're like strangers, but back when I was young I always felt stupid around them and condescended to. I lived far from them most of my life and that helped. I hope you'll feel a lot better soon. I don't think it's right for your brother to teach his kids that it's OK to tease you. I'd talk to him about that.

Yes Way WAAAYYY better when they're not around. It's hard to talk to them about it because they will just make fun of me and they think it's a weakness that you can't handle a simple teasing. But all my life they make me feel worthless and nothing.

[jollybutdepressed]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Do you have any possibility of being self- sufficient to move out definitely? This seems to be a toxic environment for you. The family dynamics have problems and you are getting the heaviest consequences. I do not think they are ready to admit something is wrong, instead they target you. You are a beautiful young girl and I have faith you will succeed. We, women living in 3rd world countries, have to fight many fights, but in turn we are resilient. I wish you the best. Be more angry, and less sorry.

--As of now not yet. I am still saving up to go back to school so that a cousin of mine can sponsor me to "work" for her then i can look for other jobs as soon as I can. You are right thought, they do not think it is wrong. It's either they think it's harmless prank or harmless teasing, and for my parents with the way they are, they think it's parenting. Thank you for saying I am beautiful, I find that hard to believe sometimes. Can't even categorize myself on the "pretty" side. Thanks for your message and faith.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by jollybutdepressed

Yes Way WAAAYYY better when they're not around. It's hard to talk to them about it because they will just make fun of me and they think it's a weakness that you can't handle a simple teasing. But all my life they make me feel worthless and nothing.

You will get away from them. Just remember that! And you will have a good life.

tell them exactly how it makes you feel.

or you could just call them fat/old/balding/lazy/boring. standing up for yourself is better than ignoring.

[jollybutdepressed]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

tell them exactly how it makes you feel.

or you could just call them fat/old/balding/lazy/boring. standing up for yourself is better than ignoring.

---there's a problem with that though, they tend to make fun when you tell then how it makes you feel. They make fun that with simple teasing you get affected so much. And if you call them back with names, they say it's disrespectful. Whatever you do, you're in a lose lose situation… that's how my life is. The moment you stand up for yourself, they interpret it as something else. Narrow minded is what I say