[blind archer]

I know perfection isn't possible and I don't desire it yet I feel bad when I see a harmless scratch or imperfection.
I know power, fame or money won't make me happy nor do I give any importance to material possessions yet not having some ****** gadget I don't need makes me feel bad.
I know life has no purpose or meaning so I shouldn't care about what people think and do and if I'm able to be what the world wants me to be. But that doesn't happen.

There are atleast ten other similar things but I can't remember them right now.

[ajohnson45]

I just hate myself. I don't think it is ever going to change. I just suck as a human being.

[Frankbtl]

Hi blind archer, you know for some people "perfection" is possible.......they can have the "life", house, car, career, husband/wife/family they've always dreamed of but for plenty of those people they can still be deeply unhappy/deeply depressed...........so I'd say perfection can be severely overrated. There can be so much more to life, so many more meaningful things than "perfection".
And you know I'd agree with you, sometimes you shouldn't care about what people think/do, what the world wants you to do but not because there's no purpose/meaning more because you do/your life does have meaning/you do matter. So when you're trying not to care, perhaps try to focus on/find things that are/could be meaningful to you instead.
And maybe just finding your own"groove", doing things that make you personally feel better/good about or valuing things in/about yourself- things that other people (who don't know you!!!) might not notice as much...........maybe some work on your self esteem or/and support with depression could help with that too???
But you know just being yourself, regardless of "being different", regardless of imperfections can be way over and above better than "perfection"..........something you can value in yourself and something others will value in you too.
And I'd say there are plenty of "imperfections" out there people can actually feel really proud about anyway, sometimes it's a matter of perspective.
Not sure if I "drifted" a bit from what you were feeling a bit in all that.............??????? Sorry if I did!!!
But for now sending you best wishes and hugs:
And if you want to talk more.............
Alison