[IntellectualFrog87]

Everywhere I look I see a pregnant woman or a new baby... I can't help but feel jealous and I hate feeling this way. I got pregnant back in August of 2006 and we were so excited. Our due date was just 5 days before our 1st wedding anniversary (April 12,2007) When I was just 9 weeks along I started bleeding and having sharp pains in my side. When I went in for my appointment we were told that I had miscarried because there was no baby in my womb. I was sent over to the hospital for an internal ultrasound and found out that I was actually having a tubal pregnancy that would require surgery. I ended losing both our baby and one of my fallopian tubes. We were told that if I were to get pregnant again "naturally" there is a 98% chance I could have another tubal, then I wouldn't be able to have children of my own at all. Our only other option is to try invitro or something like that. Only problem is I only get disability because I can't work do to a whole list of medical issues. I have Hydrocephalus, Cerebral Palsy, Scoliosis, Chronic Migraines, Depression, PTSD, Anxiety and fibromyalgia. I feel like I will never get my chance to be a mother and that devastates me because all my friends are mothers. Last Christmas my mother told me that I don't need to be a mother because I have to many medical issues...She's the one who gave me these issues by being on drugs while pregnant with me. Then she passed away April 5 2014 exactly 9 years to the day that I met my husband and she never thought we would make it.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, IntellectualFrog87.

Losing a baby... There are no words...

Did you ever get a second opinion on the risks of a possible future pregnancy?

[Anxious Minds]

I'm sorry about your loss. Losing a baby has got to be one of the hardest things to go through. And facing the idea, after losing the baby, that you most likely can't get pregnant again or the same thing will happen must make it ten times worse.

One of the first things you said is that you see pregnant women or a new baby everywhere you go. This is what I call the "new car" phenomenon. Ever buy a new car and suddenly start seeing it everywhere? Up until you owned that car, you never paid any attention to that type of car before, but now that you own it, it's suddenly become important to you and you start to subconsciously look for it.

I would wager this is what's happening to you. You're seeking out mothers and babies because of your experience, and you're feeling jealous because you still have the pain of your experience and the possibility that you might never get to have your own child. It sucks.

Maybe your mind is telling you that it's time to examine your pain again and find a way to accept what has happened. (I know, easier said that done.) And maybe you can find a way to have what you want without putting your health at risk.