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#1
Dec 18, 2014, 02:22 AM
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I've been unhappy for a long time.
Three years ago my husband was diagnosed with kidney failure. It's a really shock to us, we never expected this and he was young only 31'. It was really a hard time, he dropped out of work, suffered a lot both on physical and mental. I was soooo upset, couldn't understand why such thing happened on us. But still I could exert myself at that time, because I knew he needed me and I had to raise the family and supported him and give him hope, and I wanted to get him cured (kidney transplantation). Half a year later I went to oversea in order to earn more money. I was hesitated, not know if I should go or not, eventually i decided to go, because I also suffered, and longed for a new environment; in addition he also has liver virus C, which broke out and he was taking injection, anyway couldn't get transplantation; and my parents promised to look after him and they did so. It's absolute dark time for the period staying aboard. It's my first time to work oversea, I got a lot of pressure from work, then after work I didn't have much connection with outside, yet everyday I had to comfort him because he didn't feel good about everything. Gradually I felt tied and exhausted and impatient. I don't want to hear complaints everyday, but I didn't know what to do. we've been together 11 years and married 2 years, I felt I didn't have the right to laugh while he was suffering. I went to a therapist, at that moment it's helpful, someone was listening to me. one year after i came back to home country. very lucky several months after i returned we're told there's matched kidney for him. we've prepared enough money, and his liver treatment almost ended. he got the transplantation successfully, and we divorced. But I'm still uphappy. I don't know exactly why. I decided to divorce, because I don't love him anymore and I don't see a happy future together with him. But we've been together so many years, I relied on him so much especially I'm very introvert, he's extrovert and he made my social life easy. Now I feel so lonely, also afraid of being alone. sometimes I have good days then I convince myself to try new things, meet new people. someday 're so bad, like today, I'm so depressed. I'm angry at myself, feel like I'm so stupid and like a fool... |
 ayana95, Fuzzybear, vital
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#2
Dec 18, 2014, 02:51 AM
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Why are you angry at yourself? You've been through a lot! So just give yourself some time. Like you say, you and your husband were together a long time--and it sounds like his health concerns were very stressful for you both--so now it sounds as though you're going through a period of adjustment, rediscovering yourself. You are certainly not stupid or a fool. Just do what you can do with regards to meeting new people and having new experiences. Take it in baby steps. Are you still seeing a therapist?
Be patient with yourself. You've started on a new, and I'm sure somewhat scary, adventure. But I wish you joy and all the best. 
__________________
In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. --Albert Camus |
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#3
Dec 19, 2014, 02:47 AM
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I am not seeing a therapist currently. I do read some self-help books and try to help myself.
I'm angry because I'm making the progress so slowly. sometimes I had many thoughts, that I want to this and that, but didn't take actions... I wish there is a magic wand which can transform my life in a single wave  or a time traveler, sending me directly to some future.
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#4
Dec 19, 2014, 02:48 AM
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I will be better and I'm learning to accept my current situation and try to enjoy where I'm now. thank you and wish you all the best and joy
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| AstridLovelight
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#5
Dec 21, 2014, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
 I love your positive attitude. All the best and please let us know how you're getting along!
__________________
In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. --Albert Camus |
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#6
Dec 22, 2014, 11:23 AM
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__________________
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#7
Dec 23, 2014, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
What are you reading? - vital
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#8
Dec 27, 2014, 10:45 PM
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Quote:
I love you love positive attitude I'm ok, thinking about new year resolution -- travel alone, enjoy alone time. Learn English /German. Continue the dragon boat paddling... I hope next year will be glorious for all of us. All the best to you. |
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#9
Dec 28, 2014, 12:14 AM
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Quote:
I am reading 'the gifts of imperfection', in the middle of it now. The emphasis on courage and authenticity really works for me. I'm also learning daodejing ( I'm Chinese) I like the philosophy of laozi. There is a book written in English by a Chinese author, 'The Gay Genius: The Life and Times of Su Tungpo'. Su Tungpo, also known as Su Shi, was a poet in song dynasty. This is not a self-help book, but I got inspired
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#10
Dec 28, 2014, 01:50 AM
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Quote:
- vital
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#11
Dec 28, 2014, 11:21 AM
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i am here for you if you want to talk, give me a PM or VM sometime.
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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