[lkbun14]

Hi,

I'm just looking to get someone else's perspective on this. I feel like a horrible person for admitting this, but I used to find it very frustrating when my ex wouldn't want to spend time with my family. He was always kind to my family when he saw them, but I always felt the strain when he had to be with them for long periods of time. I know he liked his space and I didn't understand his depression and what that meant. Has anyone else experienced this or been on my ex's side of things? I always took this personally and it has caused me a lot of anxiety! After having some time for myself, I realize how disconnected I feel from my family. This is something I'm trying to work on, as well as healthy boundaries.

yes, i have been on his side. depression does make it torturous to interact with people. you are constantly worrying about keeping up appearances, feeling okay, being likeable - while not having the energy or motivation to talk to anyone.

don't take it personally. you are not a horrible person either. it's likely your ex really resents himself for not being okay around people.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi lkbun

I'm sorry that your ex placed strain on your relationship with your family.

I can't pretend to know why he isolated himself from your family. However, I do know from personal experience that when I'm depressed im not really in the mood for seeing anyone really. It can be hard for our partners to cope with it.

I think that the distance placed between you and your family can be rebuilt over time.

You might find the Relationship Forum useful for discussing positive steps to reconnecting with them.

Take care.

[lkbun14]

Thanks for your quick responses. I know I'm partly to blame for feeling disconnected from my family. I just hated feeling like I had to make excuses or do things on my own so much. He has said to me that he felt at home with my family (after we broke up) and I know he's thought of my little sister (now 17) like she was his own. I just felt like I was always trying to keep everyone happy...him and my immediate family. He has also stated that he hated that he can't socialize like he wants to. When we broke up a couple of months ago, things were turning around for him and he's doing much better. However, I was starting to feel the strain of everything (combined with long distance) and couldn't cope. I'm trying to be understanding of his behavior and I'm so proud of the positive changes he's made. However, part of me is angry that this comes now after I reached a breaking point. I don't know how to move forward with or without him right now- I just feel like a failure for not being able to keep it together. (We were together 10 years and knew each other 12 years)