[al5445]

Let me start off saying that presently im very sad and dont feel like caring about grammar aswell as this story will just be things from my head and not a well written article. If i wnated, i could but it would take me 6 hours to transform what i want to say into a typed story and thats 6 hours i dont want to spend daunting about how depressed my life is.*i just need to get this out because i just feel like someone needs to know my story and please respond if you read*

Im a 14 year old living in the United States. My whole life seems like a un-controllable rollercoaster with many ups and downs. At the age of 8, i started feeling depressed after my parents got divorced because of my dads gambling problem. I then overcme it when i turned 10. Beginning highschool this year, i started feeling happy and then out of place. I noticed that i dont know who i am. I noticed that im a mean kid that likes to cause trouble, a kid that is shy when not at school, a kid that tries his hardest, a kid that wants a future, a kid that is very nice, very thoughtful, very caring, very judgmental. These many things make it harder and harder to find who i really am. I feel that im annoying and pretty funny and i cant change that but i want too. I want to stop being so funny, mean, and annoying and be serious, smart, and more mature. The person i am is intensely opposite from the one that is typing this. Its hard to explain what i am trying to say here but i just need to get my thoughts out there. I feel that if someone reads this they know who i am because everyone else doesnt know my story. So right now, Im going to explain my story and this story has no reasoning as to why im explaining it. Here it goes- My dream right now is to get good grades and then go to a good college. My dream colleges are:MIT, Harvard, Brown, Columbia, and NYU. I currently am doing ok with a 3.4 gpa right now and i got all a’s and b’s. I want to be with smart people, i want to be a smart person, and i want a good life. I want to be confident to who i am. Im struggling with many things that are going on in my life. Overwhelmed you might say. This christmas(today), i didnt enjoy it at all. I got 700 dollars and a nyu sweatshirt because its my dream school. My mom got it for me(shes the parent i live with). The 700 dollars was all from cousins and other relatives. My mom had a hard time geeting me this sweatshirt because shes been struggling at work. Today we were supposed to go to our relatives to eat christmas dinner/lunch. It didnt happen because my mom doesnt have money to get anyone gifts.I got my dad a gift which was a travel pillow and two days ago he asked if he could borrow 200 dollars. so i gave him that. Right now my family is struggling, my mom cares for my brother who is in college and me. We live in a descent sized house but we are having trouble. Iw ant to help out but i dont know where to start. I got 700 dollars and i was thinking on to buying a macbook to try to learn programming therefore i could program as a teenager for money. I want a future, my future?, to live in a nice house in nyc with a nice wife/girlfriend and plenty of friends. I would like money to get my mom out of this debt. Give my whole family a good life basically. So i guess you can say my goal is to get a good adult life with a good house and family. The motive for typing this is me crying over the poverty of my family and others. At school, I dont have friends, just people i attempt to talk too. i dont know where to sit so i sit near someone i know but are not my friends. It absolutely kills me knowing that these people treat me the way they do without knowing my story. I feel like i just got to let it out. Who ever is reading this would be the only one that will know the whole story of my life. My family, the students ive been with my whole life(14 years) only know half. This is the whole. I hope someone understands. I want to be a person, not a mind. I want to have a life and not an interaction if the other sentence didnt make sense.

Thanks and Merry Christmas/New Year!

[bronzeowl]

Having come from poverty myself, your story struck a cord in my heart. I hope sharing it helped you somewhat, to find some kind of relief, if even it was just brief. I do recommend speaking to someone else. I know at 14, that may seem hard. And from experience, I know that in poverty, it may seem impossible. I found some solace, when I was 14, in support groups like this one. Utilizing the chat rooms, frequenting the forums. There was, also, the school guidance counselor. That is a viable option for some people, if you feel comfortable enough doing that. And of course, your parents. It sounds like your mom cares deeply for you. She may understand. I have no other advice, as I still struggle with poverty to this day. I just want to say to keep striving for your goals. A's and B's... 3.4 GPA? That's nothing to scoff at. Education is tough, especially when battling stress and feelings of depression. Take care, and Merry Christmas to you, too.

[baseline]

Dear al5445, I think you are an intelligent and sensitive young man. You have a lot going on right now physically, chemically, and emotionally. It is so awesome that you can reach out in a forum like this. You seem very expressive. I wonder if you shared some of your worries with a guidance counselor at school or a trusted teacher. They can be a great resource for your worries. I have a 13 year old son and I was so proud when he reached out to his guidance counselor for help. As a mom I wanted to help and I would have never known his worries if he hadn't shared them with us. Like you he seemed to carry the weight of the world on his back. I need to remind him that we need to take one day at a time. You both need time to be boys before you could be men. Surround yourself with good supportive friends and roll models. Get involved in different activities so people can see the real you! Keep your eyes on your goals of getting into college. I don't know what your relationship is like with your family but I bet if you opened up to them they would want to support/help you. I am not an expert ;just a mom who has experienced some of what you mention with my own children. I'm sending supportive hugs your way. Try to reach out to those closest to you.

[al5445]

Thanks guys!
This means so much to me and im so speechless.
Everyone here is so supportive in many ways and you guys have given me great advice.
I am confident I will cope over this just like when I was 8.
Reading this made me feel so much better about myself and I found some tips on coping this faster like eating healthy.
I hope you all overcome this because you all are good people.
Sorry the post was kindve, "unsensefull"? I was just really deep that day since that is when it struck me hard.
I hope everyone gets better and I know that nothing lasts forever!
Thanks again!