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#1
Jan 11, 2015, 10:24 PM
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Lately I've had suicidal fantasies on and off again, but today I had horribly violent imagery of locking myself in my dorm room and sliding a knife down my arm and puncturing the veins until I bled out. I cried, in public. I'm doing better now, but it's terrifying to think my mind can imagine something so horrific. I'm sorry for placing that image in your head, but I cannot hold it in anymore. Sometimes I think I'm psychopathic or something for my thoughts. Don't worry, I'm seeing a therapist and am on medication. I'm just so, so scared that I might do something impulsively. And I can't afford to go back to the hospital again...
I've been lonesome here at college, (I literally have no one I speak to) but I have some good news. My therapist and I are going to appeal to the college and see if I can have a cat in my dorm room. It's a stretch, but we'll see what happens. |
 musicformyears, nervous puppy, vital
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#2
Jan 11, 2015, 10:26 PM
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good luck with your kitty!
you can always message me-sometimes I struggle with the same type of thing. I often dream those types of things when I am stressed. best of luck to you and stay safe! Sent from my LG volt using Tapatalk
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Finally diagnosed! Now to start the medication circus. 
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#3
Jan 11, 2015, 11:03 PM
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Hoping you get your kitten... animals are so loving and therapeutic
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Lindsey “Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger” - Sarah Evans Wise words I am trying to learn to live by and will slowly learn to believe as I heal...... “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” - Steve Maraboli |
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#4
Jan 12, 2015, 08:01 AM
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I've had similar images (movie shorts I call them) that are on repeat. I talked to my pdoc about one in particular (almost exactly the same as yours) because it frightened me so badly. He said it wasn't anything to worry about. It was likely brought on by stress and it was my minds way of stopping the stressful thoughts, and wanting the pain of stress to stop. The other "movie shorts" that I get tend to be things that would only be possible in a cartoon world (Like Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner). Ok, I just seriously dated myself there! So those don't frighten me so much anymore. Plus I've had them for as long as I can remember, and that's over 50yrs.
Increases in my meds have helped and finding ways to lessen the stress. These forums are great place for support. I've only been here a short time and it's helped me tremendously. Use us! |
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