Letting go of hatred

Somebody who was once close to me recently abandoned me (a friend), even after knowing how alone and severely depressed I was. Some days I blame myself for being too clingy, other days I'm filled with this insatiable anger. I don't exactly punch holes through walls, but it can lead to stress, panic attacks, and violent thoughts. Thoughts of hatred and revenge. The thing is, I'm fully aware these thoughts are horrible, but they don't go away. Am I projecting my hatred for myself on someone else? How do I let go? Have you ever had a similar experience?

(I am seeing a therapist and taking medication)

sometimes people don't understand our problems, so they give up on us. they do, i believe, really care but can't handle the pain of seeing someone suffer. i am basically homebound because most of my friends in our neighborhood got divorced and just up and left, i'm here on a dead end road, literally, and have no one to talk to. i grew up in the city and it was so busy, we moved to a small village near the city 10 years ago, and i love my privacy, but it is lonely. i rarely go out except to shop and doc appointments. i do love summer, we have fires in a fire pit in our yard, one thing you can't do in the city.

I can relate. I have had similar experiences. I don't know about the projection thing. Maybe you're so angry because you're mad at yourself for feeling this way and for clinging to that person.

Your situation sounds very painful. I struggle with anger too, feels out of control. At least I know its anger now. I couldn't always name it. As you know what it is you have more chance to learn to cope. Sending compassion and hugs.