Weird guilt

Hi kray bray may,

He gave me one tool - deep breaths which I've been using and it's helped somewhat, but it's a coping mechanism, doesn't solve problems.

Yes, you're right they don't solve a lot of problems
Sometimes though they can give you that bit of "breathing space" to calm down the stress levels and try to see the problem differently, to try to "let go" of the problem for a time until........., or to try to come up with some solutions depending on what the problem is.
But yes, sometimes you do need more to actually work through problems........and that's where the work may need to begin

I wrote a letter to myself this past Christmas where I took the time to note the positive changes I noticed about myself after some of my recent stresses and I'll be opening this letter one year after writing it.

Wow, writing that letter sounds really powerful!!! Great move!!!!
And absolutely keep it for a year if that's going to work for you........but I'd say that things like that shouldn't necessarily be "hidden" away, sometimes when going through hard times it can help to look back and remember how far you've actually come, or to remember your achievements, or to remember that you have made it through times like this before...........maybe to turn to as a boost, to feel better about yourself, or to give you at least a little hope.............
So as far as I'm concerned you open that letter whenever you need to.......**** even frame it and hang it on a wall, they're your real achievements (!!!)........if you want to of course!!
But perhaps put time by say once a month even, to write down/put together some of the successes of that month, and there are going to be some whatever they are........even count in reaching for support/opening up on here () that's really big, takes a lot of strength to do that!!



Alison

I guess the problem for me was that I went into therapy thinking merely attending would help me whereas the process requires considerable effort on my part and this discouraged me greatly.

Hi kray bray may, yes you're right it can take a lot of effort sorry
And sometimes things can get worse before they get better...........but sometimes keeping a clear focus on the end goal can help a bit, and knowing that you deserve whatever help it may take to feel better.........because you do deserve that end goal.
And it can help to see it less as you have to put in all that effort.........it should be a two way thing between you and the T........they should be working with you/supporting you through/you should be both in it together to get you to more where you'd want to be.
And there may well be times when it's hard but with an understanding T you should be able to talk about slowing down the pace........or even allowing for some sessions where you can do nothing but "get things of your chest" or just "saying" very little.
But the process should be molded around you and your needs and if things are tough.......there shouldn't be anything wrong with saying something like "I'm struggling with this........I think I'm going to need a little more help or a different approach".........they are/would be your sessions.
And getting the end result..........you're worth it!!!

Alison

I feel another problem is that people most often give general advice. Or maybe I'm not putting in effort to change things.

Hi kray bray may, added reply to reply to PM while I was there

Alison