[Trosky6708]

Hey everyone,
I just wanted to tell a short story about me & hopefully get some feedback. I'm diagnosed with, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, & add. Have an accounting degree, good family, I have my religious beliefs. I've taken various ssri's they just make things worse So therefore I don't take them. I hate my degree the only reason I got it was because its the best business one you can get, no other reason. I'm 24 currently live with my parents. They've given me the opportunity to be a day trader (I buy & sell stock) in the back room of my parents house. It's taken months of discipline and learning to get where I am. I'm almost about to start being profitable everyday, which is good. I can never see myself working for someone else, why would I want to do someone else's financial statements for them? The amount of money I would receive starting out & even building a career is not worth my time. Money has no meaning to me, I could burn a $1000 with a lighter & care less.

Kind of ironic, a person with so many problems able to manage $9000k trades.

Continuing on.. I have multiple made up personas in my head (my friend in real life, my medical doctor, the normal me, & the suicidal, depressed me). If I'm not focused on my work I'll talk to them inside my head for hours unless I'm focused on my work or a movie. Sometimes I talk aloud to them when no ones around. It's suppose to be a coping mechanism., kind of normal. It's just a Question answer type deal to help me figure things out.

I have also lost a lot of my feelings. Sociopaths don't think they're sociopaths & I don't think I'm one. My mind has gone through changes in the past couple years. I no longer feel sympathy for others, I don't expierence the emotion of love, which I used to. I am uncaring towards others unless I've known you forever. I consider others a burden. I have a social phobia as well so I avoid people, mainly because I don't care for others.

My view about life. When you are born you are dieing. I am 24 if I were to live to be 100, that means I have 27,740 days left until I die. 1/3 is spent asleep 9,246 days. 18,493 is spent awake and functional. All I have to do is hold off until that day & I can die or some how become a statistic in an early fatality which I would gladly accept. My main problem is just my own existence. But because of my religious beliefs, suicide would not end my existence... Therefore not solving my problem of existing. This makes me even more depressed.

I do have friends, they're are decent people, I never hangout with them because I don't like people judging me & my phobia. And I don't like people, but trust me I'm s pretty good actor when I have to be. I guess that'll wrap things up for now.

Thanks for reading and any input on my own thoughts are humbly accepted.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry to hear you are feeling depression and anxiety.

Do you have a therapist? This is something a therapist can go more in depth with you.

A psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis and specific medicine to diminish your symptoms. If you have one already your symptoms may be a sign that it needs to be revised or changed. Talk to your Psychiatrist.

There are many caring people here at PC. You may find the forums of interest http://forums.psychcentral.com

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[sideblinded]

I am sorry that you are struggling with depression and trying to figure out the reason why you are here. We may not always realize the reasons that we are here right at the time. Then something happens out of the blue and our feelings can change so quickly to positive ones. It happened to me quite recently. I still cannot explain it.

I am adding a warm welcome to PC. I hope that you find all of the answers that you are hoping for. Best wishes.

[healingme4me]

Having depression is the type of MI, that can create feelings of apathy and fatalism. Start ups are stressful, as is being an adult under one's parents roof.

How long were you on medications, before coming off them?

Welcome to PC. Depression is a busy forum, hopefully you'll be able to connect with many others that can relate, as much.

Why do you believe you are, but aren't, a sociopath? What brings about that label?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[Trosky6708]

Yes I did have a shrink she was awesome, she brought her dog to work. I went for 3 months just about every weekend. I stopped going because it was pointless. Everyday I'm thinking something different, so I'd always ramble on a new subject every time Id go. After a 2 months it stopped working & helping because every time was different because my problems & thoughts change a lot.

Ssri - 3 months Zoloft, Prozac 3 months, and some other for 2 months. Those drugs affect me & the people around me. The first 2 months are fine, the medicine helps after the first month. And then I go insane & effect myself & the people around me in a negative way. I can't start taking them anyways because they would mess my trading up & lose money.

Sociopath - Just over the past couple years I've lost a lot of my emotions. I can't feel a lot of things so I just replace them with acting. Which is perfectly fine with me, I like it. I don't have to feel. Love is just a series of like 15 chemicals activated in the brain, I just don't feel them being activated anymore haha. I slowly keep losing more of my emotions. I guess that's why I say that. Just losing my feelings slowly overtime.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Trosky6708

Yes I did have a shrink she was awesome, she brought her dog to work. I went for 3 months just about every weekend. I stopped going because it was pointless. Everyday I'm thinking something different, so I'd always ramble on a new subject every time Id go. After a 2 months it stopped working & helping because every time was different because my problems & thoughts change a lot.

Ssri - 3 months Zoloft, Prozac 3 months, and some other for 2 months. Those drugs affect me & the people around me. The first 2 months are fine, the medicine helps after the first month. And then I go insane & effect myself & the people around me in a negative way. I can't start taking them anyways because they would mess my trading up & lose money.

Sociopath - Just over the past couple years I've lost a lot of my emotions. I can't feel a lot of things so I just replace them with acting. Which is perfectly fine with me, I like it. I don't have to feel. Love is just a series of like 15 chemicals activated in the brain, I just don't feel them being activated anymore haha. I slowly keep losing more of my emotions. I guess that's why I say that. Just losing my feelings slowly overtime.

Hi Trotsky,

I'm not surprised at all about the SSRIs. People often aren't aware of this, but there are many promising things to try for depression, many of which are also great for you health anyway. Here's what I think is the best plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

I don't have any real insight into the (possibly) sociopath experiences you're having, but, I figure, getting less depressed couldn't hurt.

- vital

[Trosky6708]

I'm a nutrition & health expert & fitness guy. I Bulked up to 250lb before & I'm 5'9''. I'm 210lb now. My max deadlift is 505lb haha. Bench max is like 300lb. I've been leaning out lately due to my focus on work. But my diets clean, I know what I put in my body.

Oh vital thank you for your comment & you are right about the whole health, nutrition & excersize to help combat depression, anxiety, along with dozens of mental & physical issues. I can attest to that.

[Trosky6708]

So there's no other alternatives then.. that blows.

[artichack]

Depression pushes one towards a feeling of being a sociopath.......anxiety and panic attacks are the worst.....I have never been more afraid and down....they suck...day trading......best friend lost everything doing it....not judging......close friend is an accountant....she just sold her business...moved on to comptroller of a very successful business.....few years ahead of you...sounds like you have good friends...you just push them away......ssris do work......you sometimes have to try different combos...for some more length of time.....

best of luck.....Artie

[Trosky6708]

Yeah that pretty much sums it up. I just take Xanax now and add medicine, ssri's are not for me sadly. I tried to start a business after college & get a patent for the business process, went through 10 lawyers with no luck because all their agendas were filled. Some kid from the same city raised 4.7 million for the same idea a year later. But with trading stocks I don't need people, makes life simpler.

I hear people say that story all the time "I know someone who lost it all to day trading." Unless you are a complete fool it's impossible, as a trader your job is to manage risk. Not go to a roulette table & bet the whole farm on black. You use stops, if things start going a-wall it spits you out with a tiny loss & you get proved wrong.