[Viuam]

I've heard that phrase so many times in one way or another. But how do you love yourself? Can you love someone else and still despise every inch of your being? If you can't give a single warm feeling towards your own person, then you are doomed to loneliness or being miserable with people who hate you. What's the point of living alone with my own thoughts, which are horrible all the time. It just goes on and on.

I've heard this phrase a lot too. It is most definitely possible to love other people without loving yourself. But I think the most important message to take away from that phrase is not that you need to fully love yourself before trying to love other people, but to value yourself as a human being in relationships.

Aka don't let people walk over you and don't let them take advantage of you. I know a lot of people who have gotten their self-worth shot to pieces from relationships where the person who is supposed to have their best interest in mind is the one constantly tearing them down.

The phrasing surely could use some improvement but there is quite the difference to being "whipped" and bending over backwards to try to please. Wanting to make your partner happy is one thing, but when it takes a toll on your own mental or physical health it is quite another.

As for loving yourself, that really all depends. It's having an innate ability to believe that you are a good person placed in sometimes bad circumstance and that even if there are parts of you that you don't like, you still value yourself as an individual. To find good points about yourself among what sometimes feels like a never ending ocean of negative feelings. Often, it's best to ask family and friends that you trust and love to help you find them for you. Sometimes you find it in odd talents or random abilities you've acquired over time. But most of it comes with combating bad thoughts and filling them with optimism. That a lot of what happens is situational and not a true reflection of yourself. It's hard and takes a long time to grow but most definitely worth it.

[Raptor07]

yeah I love other people without loving myself but a little bit love for me as they love me too. Try find love in them for u....

[Curupira]

I don't really agree with that statement because I don't always love myself and currently I do not like muself much at all, but I do love my husband and daughter very much. For me it has been more about figuring out what my values as a human being are. So, how should a human being be treated regardless of who they are, and then applying that logic to myself.

So even if I felt like I was the scum of the earth, a person deserves xyz so therefor I should expect/demand xyz. It is a very concious process for me, I can't call it self love it is more like self respect via respect for others.

[Sophie0126]

How am I supposed to love me, when I've been told my entire life that it's never about me and always about others? How do I re-wire this?
I love my granddaughter, husband and dog with every fiber of my being, that there's nothing left for me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. My only daughter no longer loves me, even after all that I've sacrificed...she used me and my love for her.

I'd say you can definitely love others (even so much as to love them to a fault).

[Viuam]

Originally Posted by notgoodenuf

I'd say you can definitely love others (even so much as to love them to a fault).

But I don't even know if you can call that love... You love and you are treated badly in return.. Is that really love? Doesn't it need to be fed in some way, nurtured in order for it to grow somehow?

I personally think it's the respect part, like Curupira said. Because even the best of people will take advantage of others if it's offered sometimes. I guess I would have to say it's more of a "don't tempt the person to do it." In the same way that you shouldn't leave a $20 bill out when guests come over, you shouldn't have the potential of letting someone disrespect you an option. Because eventually, if they really respect you, they won't take advantage of you regardless but if someone continually lets themselves be walked on then over time the abusing party will begin to think that they SHOULD be able to walk on that person. And thus feeds into a really bad loop even if they weren't meaning for that to happen in the first place.

But as to whether it is love, I really couldn't tell you.

[BeYou]

We used to scarifies, to victimization and the notion that there is something wrong with us and that is why we should love others and hate ourselves. Many of those ideas comes from religion or just generation to generation wrong actions towards yourself. It all starts with you. Simple logic - you can't love others if you don't love yourself. You can love them because you love them, but would that be nice to have enough to give them more? If you don't have enough love for yourself, you will suffer, because the other part of equation is not fulfilled - loving yourself. Love should be going in and out, like oxygen.So in order to love yourself and give love, you need to love yourself. You can't just give give and give and get nothing in return. That is why we all tired, sad, depressed and hate ourselves or others. It all starts with us. Give yourself love, so you can give love to others. At the same time. No choosing between one or the other.And there is nothing egotistical about that or wrong. Just think - if you have enough (of anything) then you can share! But if you stretch yourself tin - then you suffer. The solution - just to start - always remember - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You always did the best you could with what you had and what you knew. Don't be too hard on yourself. Repeat to yourself " I am doing the best I can, and it is enough." Because you are! It is time to acknowledge that!

[Koko2]

It's a good phrase until a narcissist grabs hold of it.