Inertia

I had a chance to tell a doctor, now that the intense pain in my abdomen has no explanation in either blood, bacterial or ultrasound tests and thus has been proven to have no discernible source, about my depression and I couldn't

Intellectually I know it would be best but the monkey in my head is screaming "they are all gonna laugh at you". And the scared monkey always wins

For the record, when I am beyond stress limits and depressed, my mind figures it best to channel the fear, rage and self-loathing to my gut. Nothing quite like feeling you are John Hurt in Alien to make your day

But, as a bonus, they found an unknown growth on one of my kidneys. So I get to have a CT for that. Should be good for a larf

Also, found a really cool web comic called A Softer World. It is a series of a couple pictures with added captions

One of my favourites is "I feel like a lion whose keeper left the cage door open. Scared to be free"

Up to that mention of the growth on one of your kidneys I was thinking, "Possible conversion disorder???" Yes, by all means get that checked. It's not impossible that depression, anger and anxiety with all their systemic dynamics may have contributed to the development of something detectable by a standard test.

I hope that growth is nothing serious - all the other stuff is serious enough!