[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Hello,

First of all, by "unborn", I mean that he/she is no where near earth at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not tossing out babies into space, but I mean that they really don't exist, not spiritually, not physically, not at all. Nada, zip. And I'm not married, not engaged, not taken, and no where closer to a person from the opposite gender, so, I'm way too far from being a father. But I have been having those thoughts that are really depressing and worrying me. My mind is sticking to the fact that my first born will be a boy. I have no problem, though. let it be a boy or a girl, both welcomed, but it is a son that I'll be talking about. Please, understand that this is really glooming me, making me avoid children at any rate, I don't even look at them straight to the eye (yet, I can't resist their innocence).

Now, with disclaimers out of the way, let's get started.


There’s no father on this earth who doesn’t want his son to be better than him, even if he was a criminal, he’d want his son to be a better criminal, at least I think so. I myself am not a father, but nowadays, more so than ever, I feel the need of having that special person, someone who I could finally care for and really love from the bottom of my heart. Whenever I see children, or more specifically, one boy child, I kind of stare at him, remembering that need, my need of wanting to become a father, and I feel like I just want to talk to or befriend that kid, or even hug him, but I try as much as I can to avoid these behaviors, or thoughts, and I pretend that he isn’t at all there.

I have these visions of how my son would become a better human than me in many cases, like: being more intelligent, better looking, more brave, more stand-up, more likable, etc. I don’t want him to feel the way I feel about myself, I feel that I am a pathetic insect that everybody gives more weight to, negatively of course. I mean, we all hate cockroaches, and we fear them, but we also want to kill them. I think people see me that way, I think that they just want to eliminate the grossness that is me. However, I'm not sure if they see me that way, but the worst part about it is that I am the one who sees me like that, and I certainly don’t want that to be my son’s view of himself, or people’s view to him.

I am quite aware of the challenge that is parenting, and to be honest, I am not ready to absolutely devote two years of my life to carry around, feed, and be awake at night for the baby (I presume that the "baby" age would end after those two years), but it is a helpless, victimless baby that came to life because of me. He didn’t decide to turn up and be a sort of liability, I decided to bring him, but I am also his father, so I will indeed devote two hard years for the sake of this little fella. But the moment I am waiting for is when my child becomes more self-aware, have more personality. Then, and only then, I will feel like a father, and he is my son.

I think I have a great thing in store for my kid (all of my kids), I will not keep them mindlessly binged down in front of the TV screen for some silly show. I will do my best into making them great learners for there own sake first, and then for the sake of helping humanity. That however, might apply to one child, because that is what I am aiming at, one child. I will try and help him be a fast thinker, a well presenter of argument, not for selfish reasons, but to really be helpful, and just conflict with negative authority in order to do what is necessary, and to bring more people to be on his side instead of being alone, like me.

I love my family, so very very much, but I feel that what I am missing, already has a much more complex and deeper love and care than what I have for them a million times. One thing keeps me up at night, which is what my son will look like? Is he going to be smarter than the word “smart"? Will I be able to protect him from any harm at all? I just wish him the best in life, and I WILL do my very best in not making him experience a drop of the pain I experienced.

So, what do you think? Am I right by these worries? Is it what a father's feelings towards his son or is it simply a young adult crisis that I'm going through right now?

[Fizzyo]

Hi renounced troglodyte, your feelings are there for a reason and are always real and not stupid. Your longing for a child is completely natural. When you have a child, he or she will be their own person and will make their own choices. They need to know they are valuable even when they make poor choices. You are valuable. You are part of the human race. If you know someone you think is valuable, they are human, like you. Remember you have the same value just by being human, you don't have to earn value by being 'good' or by feeling worthy or having a son. That is my opinion I TRY to live by, I hope it helps.

[IrisBloom]

It's good that you are making plans for the future, and thinking about what kind of father you will be. Many people don't do this, they just kind of fall into parenthood and make it up as they go along. However, since that is till in the future, you need to live for now, today. Plan, but don't obsess. Besides, no matter what you map out for you and your possible future family, most likely things will be drastically different. Stop worrying!