I'm lost and don't know what I'm living for

I am in a very bad situation in life right now, I feel stuck, and I feel very empty and depressed. I am currently unemployed and am looking for another job but the problem is, I've been through this problem so many times now and have lost many previous jobs by either being fired or laid off. I have really messed up and made some mistakes with that and I'm also starting to feel the severity of this problem because of how many times this has happened. I'm so angry at myself for this, and getting tired of constantly regretting past mistakes. I feel like I'm failing at life more than anyone else and I wonder if something's wrong with me. I look around me and all of my friends or people I know seem to be doing better than me in some way or another or have more of a reason to wake up. My whole life just doesn't feel right at all and I don't really feel like I'm living life like I should. Most days are very boring and I'm getting bored with many things and I can hardly think of anything interesting to do. I'm trying to come up with ways to improve my life and am really thinking about going back to school. I'm uncertain of what trade or career to go after, but I have a meeting to talk to a counselor. I'm so depressed, overwhelmed, and stressed out to the point where I can't even think straight or fully concentrate on things sometimes and my mind feels clouded and I constantly feel weighed down. Even doing things I love like practicing music is hard to concentrate on, or sometimes hard to motivate myself to do because it's like what's the point anymore. Why am I here and why do I live? I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. I'm tired of waking up everyday like this having regrets and feeling so empty all the time. I don't know what I should do with my life or what will make me happy.

Ixodon,

I have been exactly where you have been, and am pleased to report that there is a way out.

For me it came through prayer and working closely with a man who has major problems in his life but no depression. He modeled how to parry and riposte against depressive thoughts to me.

There are two things that depressed people do not know how to do, and once they learn these two things, they can experience victory over depression.

1) Maintain a sense of worth even when things are going badly.

2) Practice good thought hygiene.

If you can continue to allow yourself to maintain a sense of worth and practice good though hygiene, you can rule over depression. If you cannot do these two things, then it will rule over you.

There is no in between and no middle ground. Depression will either rule you, or you will rule it. You can never be friends or move away from depression. It is always there seeking to rule over you and destroy you, but it doesn't know how to adapt or create new weapons.

Once you learn to parry depression's various attacks, you'll know how to parry them for life. Depression only uses a limited set of weapons to attack you and will never change them.

Learn how to parry and riposte against depression and you will master it.

I understand been and done that i just kept thinking i was to beat this and was light at the end of the tunnel a realizing that wjen was depressed i would say to myself this too shall pass and wasn't going to give up i kust had to keep working on it even though it was like a rollcoaster ride i have major depression take care hang in there

Sounds like your taking the first major step....going back to school....meeting with a counselor...change can be for the good...might take you some fairly large steps before you succeed....maybe you find the right direction fairly fast...best of luck.....

Hi Ixodon,

See if this makes sense:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

Ixodon,

You don't mention in what you posted whether you've seen a doctor. There are so many phrases in your post that sound like depression - "overwhelmed, can't think straight, can't concentrate, mind feels clouded, weighed down, hard to do things you love, feeling empty".

It sounds like you've been having problems for quite a while. Maybe it's time to think about counseling/psychotherapy for sure and maybe antidepressants, too?

It sounds like you're in a tough place.

This is the first time I've heard of something like that, I'll try that, I don't want to be feeling this way anymore. It's hard to feel good about yourself though when you feel as if you've failed many times with different things and you feel like you're still facing the consequences in everyday life from serious past mistakes. And always wishing you can go back in time to fix things for a better today, or when every day you don't have anything to do. To me it's like days or what time of the day it is doesn't matter, I'm still applying for jobs and just trying to keep myself occupied with whatever, or find something to do with my time, but everything gets so tedious. Thanks for the advice.

I haven't been to a doctor or counselor in a long time. The last time I went to a counselor was the beginning of last year, it didn't really help because he kept asking questions that weren't important, or kept asking questions that wouldn't have anything to do with the things I was telling him.

"I haven't been to a doctor or counselor in a long time. The last time I went to a counselor was the beginning of last year, it didn't really help because he kept asking questions that weren't important, or kept asking questions that wouldn't have anything to do with the things I was telling him."

Find another one.

Ixodon, I am glad you are here, keep reading, keep posting-this is a great place with lots of support and good information. And people who understand where you are coming from

You can't. You can't go back and fix things. You can't change the past. Don't even try. If you need to grieve losses, by all means, find a way to grieve them, but don't allow yourself to even go into thinking about how things "could have been." This is what I'm talking about with thought hygiene. Every second you spend thinking on that line of thought you'll go deeper and deeper into depression. You've got to learn to stop those thoughts immediately to get out of depression.

It's poor thought hygiene to begin thinking about "how things could have been had I not made such and such mistake," and it's also a waste of time. Things wouldn't have been 100% good had you not made certain mistakes, and they're not 100% bad now that you've made those mistakes.

You have no way of knowing what would have happened.

The man I talked to you about who doesn't have depression could have been an international soccer star making millions and traveling the world, but he failed a drug test, and now he's living from paycheck to paycheck, raising his two kids as a single dad because his wife went crazy, cheated on him and got heavily into drugs. Even with all that he still is not depressed and finds ways to preform well on his job, be fun to be around and take care of his kids in every way they need it.

I'm not writing all that to shame you. Not at all. Having a chance to work closely with this man on various jobs showed me how to practice good thought hygiene and look after my own sense of self-worth.

He cannot afford to be depressed, and so has learned how to guard his self-worth, parry and riposte against depressive thoughts and practice good thought hygiene.

I hope you'll find someone like this to help you learn how to overcome depression and rule over it.

My recovery started with prayer. God is graciously answering my prayer. The co-worker I told you about was part of that answer.

Don't be afraid to humble yourself in front of the One who has all of the answers and ask for help.

It's a great thing to do.

It was the beginning of my recovery to do this.