*Trigger Warning* Life trips me out.

Everything trips me out. Human beings trip me out. Being a human trips me out. Sometimes I'm scared people are going to hurt me. Or I feel like no one likes me.

Sometimes I'm okay and I'm like "Yeah I will go to school and have a career." Or whatever. I have moments of clarity sometimes. Right now I cannot work because I am in chronic pain and I am in the process of figuring out what it is.

I've gone to a psychiatrist. He has put me on meds. I feel like he is crazy and disgusting. He always wants to talk about explicit sexual things. I was seeing a therapist but she wierds me the **** out and I do not wish to see her anymore. I am SO SICK of talking to "professionals" who are more ****** in the head than I am. Screw those people for imposing their opinions and own messed up mentality on me.

Sometimes I'm really concerned I will end up homeless again or become a junkie or OD on something.. I don't have faith in the mental health system. Or myself. It's all some twisted joke to me. .

I don't know of I'm schizo or smart???? But seriously. I'm so tired of these quacks saying they want to help me when I get the vibe they are just in it for the paycheck and really have no idea what they are doing with MY BRAIN. It disgusts me.

At the same time I want help. But I don't know who to trust. I feel like the mental health profession is so sketchy. It's like a guessing game. .....

I'm just really tired and the way I see the world sometimes is not serving me all that well? But maybe the human condition is just strange for everyone?

Ugh.. Thank you for reading.. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

I'm not one of those people who say that hardship will go away when the time is right, I say it will probably last, not until you yourself find a way, knowing that only you understand yourself, and everybody doesn't seem to. I understand the confusion you are in, I really do, trust me, but you are responsible for both your happiness and sadness. I know how bad it is that no one understands, and then pretend that they actually do, but I, and probably you, overthink too much until there is no taste in life itself, which means that we are contributors in regards to our depression. We can't let it go, but we can distract ourselves, which is what we don't do, we seem to enjoy pain for some reason, at least I do.

I don't know how to help you. If I did, I would've help myself to begin with, but all I can say is that you have to find a good therapist who won't just feed you meds. To me, a good therapist is a one who would leave his fingerprint after the first session with his wisdom and wit, and if I believe him, I'll carry on. I hope that you will indeed find that therapist, or at least a close friend or any family member that you can open up with and be able share an interactive feeling with him/her.

Thank you!

Were I suffering from chronic pain, that would top my priorities.
I observe that when someone has a mental health diagnosis, doctors too often read all symptoms in light of that diagnosis. Just because one is depressed does not mean one can't suffer from other illnesses.

Hoping you can quickly get to the root of the pain problem...

Thank you, very true! I have rearranged my thoughts and priorities today. I am going to the doctor next week and I am SO hopeful. I'm hoping to figure out the problem soon so that I can be out of pain and make something of my life. (: