Hello everyone.

Lately within these past 3 years after frustration after frustration, I keep pushing out the love and cry out wanting it back. I've been on meds since the 7th grade, I was prescribed small dosages at first of anxiety meds by my family doctor. Soon with a 6month period signs worsed and was put on anti-D's. That went on for a few more months until are family doctor moved offices makgin us having to find a new family doctor.

I was yet again treated with anti-D's mostly smaller names. She recommended a 1 time counselation with a psyciatrist, I went (this being near end of 8th grade year middle school). After being put on a new med, nothing changed.

She then recommdned a therapst, to make a long story short I stayed with him for a year, no progress, and swichted i've been to 5 total therapists/psyciatrists. And with that a dozen+ meds. '

I"m not in my junior 11th grade year of HS. I have pushed so many of you guys and girls away. I'M SO SORRY, I'm so so scared of benig pushed away so I push others to avoid it. I've got no one to call me and check on me. My friends no of my depresseion but leave it alone even when I ask for support, I'm so mad ,.

I'm thinking of quiting therapy he doesnt give anything to help after I leave the office its just a complete talk through of feelings, I know how I feel, I need to figure out how to CHANGE that....

This started as a child but came to attention roughly 10-11 years of age, now 17 its endless, because I as a male, find sexuality to even hate me, I 'm straight but at my age group no girl wants a sensative man, a man who cries and loves, rather some brat,........

Thats fine, but I need some sort of companion, friend,girlfriend, anything to welcome me. What is so so sad is I want love, in a romantic sense, have a child a girl prefedbly, watch her grow, put on make up the LITTLE things, and a loving wife, its sad because im 17 and its impossible, and overwhelming.

UNtil next time....

Moonkin

[SecretGarden]

Moonkin..... WHOA......

Please back up a bit.

I know it does not feel like it but you are so young .... and you have a world of a future ahead of you. Do not rush it. You will have time to find your love and to have a child to also give your love to. Having a child before it is time for you emotionally and financially is just an opportunity for you to close off many options for your future.

Hang in with the therapy and know that it is not your therapist's job to cure you though they are certainly active and vested in your progress .

It is important for you to find a therapist that you feel a comaraderie with, someone that you feel that you can work with as a team. Know that although it is difficult you will need to fight like hell for your future, for your health and for your wellbeing.

Grow yourself a future within yourself before you go to growing a baby. You will find the person for you when you better know the person within you. Go for it. It is hard work but the work that you need to do ... You can do it.

I didnt mean it literally, as in right this momemnt,......I thought I made that clear..........I meant thats the reason why I live........

[SecretGarden]

Okey dokey... Just checking in. I think that there have been many times that I would have liked to check out and I have kept at it because I am determined to have a positive outcome. I have seen many improvements by the hard work I have done. You can too.

I hope that is not the only part of that post you read... There was plenty more there.

Keep the faith and keep on keenin on. .