[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Perhaps this won't apply to you or help you at all, but maybe it will, ...

In hindsight, I was such a mess and a large part of it was my obsession with feeling sorry for myself while listening to sad (depressing) music. I'm sharing this with you because I'm able to have that years-later hindsight that some don't, in order to warn you, that it can be very damaging.

Think of it this way, if your friend is very sad and you want to comfort them, do you try to cheer them up, offer to talk about thigns that'll help, or, do you exasperate their negative feelings by talking about super depressing things and make them worse? Personally, I favor the former option. I like to think I deserve the same treatment when dealing with myself during a weakened state.

Sometimes I was simply depressed, you know, struggling as you do, but listening to super depressing music that hits all those good (bad) nerves and heart-strings make it a whole ton worse! You think you're comforting yourself, but remember, "misery loves company." - Emilie Autumn.

I just dug through a bunch of old crap, super old crap from back when I was a royal mess. I came across a song I'm sure a lot of you guys know: Hate Me, by Blue October, a favorite band of mine and admittedly an emotional weakness of mine. I started listening to it, and it wasn't long before that feeling of sadness (from looking at old stuff that brought back tough memories) ended up in a moment of ... ergh, you know, leaky eyes. My point is that I made it worse, just like I did all those years.

There's enough sadness to go around, guys - time to be happy. Listen to cheery music now and again, or at least music that cheers you up a little, as opposed to making you want to fill buckets with tears. We all need to cry sometimes, I get it, but sometimes a smile and a laugh goes a long way!

[Ruftin]

(((Zwangsstorung))) Thank you for this. It's so true. I used to listen to depressing, but beautiful classical music that would reduce me to a puddle of tears before I even knew I suffered from depression. It really does touch a special part in us. I no longer listen to it. You are very wise.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Ta. Not so much wise as that I've just been there, done that. xD Got the tshirt, worn it a lot, spilled stuff all over it, tried it clean it, it shrunk, gave up, chucked it out. Hah.

[Sirensong18]

I feel two ways about this one.

On the one hand, I agree with you - listening to sad music when you are depressed is a great way to stay depressed. It won't cheer you up, and it can even drag you down farther.

On the other hand - listening to happy music when depressed can be just as bad, since it'll seem either artificially cheery and just like a big lie, or it'll make you feel worse since you're so down but the music is so happy, and you just can't get happy no matter how hard you try.

During some of my lowest times, I had songs that I just played on repeat over and over again. Songs like 'Hurt' (I love the original nine inch nails, as well as the johnny cash cover), and pretty much the whole 'Give up' album by Death Cab For Cutie. I still love these songs, and still listen to them occassionally, but no so obsessively as I once did.

I totally agree with you about the nostalgia thing and going thru old stuff/listening to old songs. I still get upset when I hear the song that was "our song" from my relationship with my first major boyfriend. Even though that was years and years ago, it still hurts when I hear that song. Strange how music can be so evocative of our emotions.

[purplek0ala]

Very good point. I've noticed this too.
Ditched the music awhile back, altogether.
When I hear a song that I used to practically medicate myself with, I still feel a twinge of those strong emotions creeping in.
It's good to have music to relate to when you need it most, but you have to turn it off at some point.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Appreciate the feedback, particularly ones to put my post to question. I was thinking a little after posting it that perhaps it's not always the case. I guess I'm more focusing on the people who use depressing music far too much, to the point of memorizing lyrics, and it practically being an automatic process of depressed > depressing music. xD I was such a person!

Oh my god, i did SO much of this. For 2 years i was severely depressed and ALL i listened to was sad music. I found that i began to romanticise my illness; it almost became poetic to be sad, which is NOT right.

Stopped listening to sad music and i am in such a better place now.

[sadmachine]

I'm not exactly sure why I listen to exclusively sad and/or angry music when my depression is really bad. I guess it's comforting to hear someone else express the things I'm feeling, and express it artistically. Happy or uplifting music can alienate me during those times, in the same way that a sunny day or being in company of happy people might alienate me. Upbeat music can make me more sad or more angry--sad because I don't think I'll ever feel like that again, or angry because I feel like I'm being sold a lie.

I'm definitely guilty of wallowing in negative feelings, though, and it's entirely possible that listening to sad and/or angry music has made things worse when I'm already feeling low. But I'm not sure that substituting positive music is the answer. Maybe silence is? No, silence is terrifying... Ugh, I don't know.

Anyway, interesting thread. Thanks for posting it.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Sometimes, I feel like being depressed more than I already am, so I listen to sad music.

I have a strong longing for a child which is very saddening to me, so what do I do? I play a song that is a tribute from the singer (who also wrote the lyric) to his son, so it's true feelings, and it impacts me very well and hard, and it keeps me wanting to think about my unborn child. I don't know why I do it, but sometimes I enjoy pain, and like to think of me as "poor me".

[alchemy63]

I like the way you've written your post from hindsight perspective. It shows that you have been there, done that, in a way that acknowledges what other people who havent yet moved onward in thier progress might be feeling and does so in a way that doesn't shame them into feeling guilty about what they might currently be doing to help them cope with their feelings of sadness. I was like this too, finding comfort and relief in sad songs, or songs that 'raged against the machine' but over a process of time I began to think that what I had been putting into myself as comfort might actually be contributing to the inescable cycle I felt myself to be stuck in.

Isn't music, in some ways, like a drug? We turn it on to tune out other things that might be distracting us, it guides towards some emotion we might want to experience more of, or, in some cases, away from those emotions. I think of it like the way I used alcohol in the past to self medicate. It can bring temporary relief, but, in some ways, adds more smoke to the haze.

Just as I've needed to uncomplicate my life by using less alcohol, I've also learned to be more selective in what types of music I expose myself to. Great post!

Originally Posted by Ruftin

(((Zwangsstorung))) You are very wise.

Ruf is right. Wisdom is knowledge in action which you showed Wisdom -good on you

[Fuzzybear]