[Ghost5]

For around 3years now I have been going through my latest bout of depression. I also have an Eating disorder and OCD routines I have to follow everyday. Three years ago I went to see a Psychiatrist and psychologist but I got to the point where I felt so ashamed that I didn't go back. Now 2months ago my partner made me go back to the doctor and I find myself back at a Psychiatrist. The problem I have is I have virtually no social contact because of social anxiety and when I see the Psychiatrist I feel she is judging me, thinking I'm a total failure and I'm a disgrace for wasting her time and not working. She tells me I've got to want to change but I feel I have no motivation to, if I could see a better life for myself I'd fight for it, but I just don't, i see virtually no future. I'm considering not going back to see her because of all these thoughts that she doesn't like me and is "angry" with me for having no motivation. Can anyone give me advice about this?

[Apathy123]

Pdoc (or at least most of them) are trained professionals who want to help you. You may lack motivation because of the depression and it may take time to find the right combination of medications to make a dent in that but you won't know if you give up know. It's the depression and anxiety that is making you think that she is judging you and doesn't like you and it's probably not the case at all.

[RessurectMe]

Originally Posted by Apathy123

Pdoc (or at least most of them) are trained professionals who want to help you. You may lack motivation because of the depression and it may take time to find the right combination of medications to make a dent in that but you won't know if you give up know. It's the depression and anxiety that is making you think that she is judging you and doesn't like you and it's probably not the case at all.

It is important that you feel comfortable with your professional helpers and trust them without feeling judged. Can you shop around for someone different that might make you feel better?

[vital]

Originally Posted by Ghost5

For around 3years now I have been going through my latest bout of depression. I also have an Eating disorder and OCD routines I have to follow everyday. Three years ago I went to see a Psychiatrist and psychologist but I got to the point where I felt so ashamed that I didn't go back. Now 2months ago my partner made me go back to the doctor and I find myself back at a Psychiatrist. The problem I have is I have virtually no social contact because of social anxiety and when I see the Psychiatrist I feel she is judging me, thinking I'm a total failure and I'm a disgrace for wasting her time and not working. She tells me I've got to want to change but I feel I have no motivation to, if I could see a better life for myself I'd fight for it, but I just don't, i see virtually no future. I'm considering not going back to see her because of all these thoughts that she doesn't like me and is "angry" with me for having no motivation. Can anyone give me advice about this?

Hi there.

Here's a little thing to try that I think might be good for you. It's called "SNAP CLUB" and described in the notes in this post

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4369910-post130.html

It's very easy to try and fun. It really works and it's a great way to get started on a healing path.

- vital

[Ghost5]

Originally Posted by RessurectMe

It is important that you feel comfortable with your professional helpers and trust them without feeling judged. Can you shop around for someone different that might make you feel better?

No, I cant really shop around as it's the NHS in the UK. She hasn't given me any reason to think that way and is very nice but I always think that with any doctors or health care professionals I meet they will think I'm making things up and judge me negatively. In fact I don't think anyone likes me at all, never mind doctors. I also think "I should be better by now" and not have had depression and be isolating for so long.

[avlady]

i agree with apathy123. the very reason you are isolated is because you are anxious with all. there are some good meds i know from experience and used to feel the way you do about being judged. i've been alot better on my meds, got a diagnosis years ago and have shchitzophrenia and bipolar and depression. once you get a handle on what meds you need you'll feel so much better but be patient as it takes time. good luck

Originally Posted by Ghost5

For around 3years now I have been going through my latest bout of depression. I also have an Eating disorder and OCD routines I have to follow everyday. Three years ago I went to see a Psychiatrist and psychologist but I got to the point where I felt so ashamed that I didn't go back. Now 2months ago my partner made me go back to the doctor and I find myself back at a Psychiatrist. The problem I have is I have virtually no social contact because of social anxiety and when I see the Psychiatrist I feel she is judging me, thinking I'm a total failure and I'm a disgrace for wasting her time and not working. She tells me I've got to want to change but I feel I have no motivation to, if I could see a better life for myself I'd fight for it, but I just don't, i see virtually no future. I'm considering not going back to see her because of all these thoughts that she doesn't like me and is "angry" with me for having no motivation. Can anyone give me advice about this?

I read your post and I'm thinking to myself, what can I say to this person. The main reason it is difficult to form a response I'm comfortable with is... I just no longer have faith in psychiatry. And I don't feel much more positive about psychologists and therapists. I don't want to paint them all with the same brush. There are psychiatrists & co that do care about people and went into that line of work out of a true desire to help people. But I feel that when they do have success it has more to do with their compassion and empathy and personal insights than with the so-called science of psychiatry. And I do have some experience. Mine is a view based on personal experience. I haven't known every one in the field so I don't claim to know it all. I... well this could turn into a very long post if I went into detail. Just to touch on some points relevant to your post. My first therapist... I don't know his credentials. His MO was to lounge with clients in his home/office making small talk until your 45 minutes was up using the most banal poppsyche cliches you've ever heard.
That was a very brief relationship
I had therapy with two pdocs who told me after our professional relationship had ended that they had indeed used what seemed like manipulative tactics in their attempts to treat me. They told me that they had deliberately tried to anger me as part of therapy. That may be relevant to you. Pdoc A was a very compassionate and caring person. From what she told me about her personal life and what I observed, I knew she had chosen her field for the right reasons and had gone to great sacrifice and effort to become a psychiatrist. Pdoc B was my "buddy." I was less sure of his motives. I followed his career for a while. He got into serious trouble at least twice later for ethics lapses. I followed A a bit also but she relocated and it was harder to keep up with her. She found her niche and seemed successful. Bottom line was that while these two were interesting to talk to, neither was effective in my case. Immediately after these two came a woman with a Masters in social work. She wasn't devoid of compassion but it was obvious that she had a rigid professional view and if you didn't measure up she would terminate therapy. The distinct impression was that if you disappointed her for any reason you would no longer be her client. One of her exercises was for me to find ten news stories that interested me. I obliged. She told me if I could do that then I wasn't depressed and was wasting her time. Another psychiatrist prescribed a med that almost literally made me psychotic. I've also known a couple of clinical psychologists socially. One was in therapy due to her own serious personal/psychological problems and the other should have been. I realize this small sample of professionals is not statistically enough to make a blanket condemnation. But since I'd only known less than a dozen it's what I had to go on. This may seem disheartening to you. But it's just my experience and sharing our experiences is one thing we do to help each other.
On a side note there are members here who look upon their "T" as an almost holy figure. I find their obsessions with their therapists frightening. I wonder how they will ever get well. Pdocs and T's are people. Their job is to help you gain insights and hopefully use those insights to overcome issues. Nothing more. They are not surrogate lovers or parent figures who will remain with you forever helping you to survive from one session to the next.
In summation I think there is something basic wrong with the entire field.
I hope this isn't too disconcerting and doesn't discourage you from doing whatever it takes to heal and progress.
IMHO meds are more effective that traditional therapy for organic issues and possibly for inorganic issues. A good support system, persistence, and self education is more helpful than the average therapist... again just my opinion.
Lastly, you having no reason to feel ashamed. Whether your doc judges you is not something I'm in a position to know. You are the only one entitled to judge yourself. Depression makes a very effective witness for the prosecution. It is however a false witness. Getting past that is one of the keys to the fight.
I wish I could be more helpful. You are the key player here. You can do this.
I wish you the best.

((((Ghost))))

[Ghost5]

Originally Posted by George H.

I read your post and I'm thinking to myself, what can I say to this person. The main reason it is difficult to form a response I'm comfortable with is... I just no longer have faith in psychiatry. And I don't feel much more positive about psychologists and therapists. I don't want to paint them all with the same brush. There are psychiatrists & co that do care about people and went into that line of work out of a true desire to help people. But I feel that when they do have success it has more to do with their compassion and empathy and personal insights than with the so-called science of psychiatry. And I do have some experience. Mine is a view based on personal experience. I haven't known every one in the field so I don't claim to know it all. I... well this could turn into a very long post if I went into detail. Just to touch on some points relevant to your post. My first therapist... I don't know his credentials. His MO was to lounge with clients in his home/office making small talk until your 45 minutes was up using the most banal poppsyche cliches you've ever heard.
That was a very brief relationship
I had therapy with two pdocs who told me after our professional relationship had ended that they had indeed used what seemed like manipulative tactics in their attempts to treat me. They told me that they had deliberately tried to anger me as part of therapy. That may be relevant to you. Pdoc A was a very compassionate and caring person. From what she told me about her personal life and what I observed, I knew she had chosen her field for the right reasons and had gone to great sacrifice and effort to become a psychiatrist. Pdoc B was my "buddy." I was less sure of his motives. I followed his career for a while. He got into serious trouble at least twice later for ethics lapses. I followed A a bit also but she relocated and it was harder to keep up with her. She found her niche and seemed successful. Bottom line was that while these two were interesting to talk to, neither was effective in my case. Immediately after these two came a woman with a Masters in social work. She wasn't devoid of compassion but it was obvious that she had a rigid professional view and if you didn't measure up she would terminate therapy. The distinct impression was that if you disappointed her for any reason you would no longer be her client. One of her exercises was for me to find ten news stories that interested me. I obliged. She told me if I could do that then I wasn't depressed and was wasting her time. Another psychiatrist prescribed a med that almost literally made me psychotic. I've also known a couple of clinical psychologists socially. One was in therapy due to her own serious personal/psychological problems and the other should have been. I realize this small sample of professionals is not statistically enough to make a blanket condemnation. But since I'd only known less than a dozen it's what I had to go on. This may seem disheartening to you. But it's just my experience and sharing our experiences is one thing we do to help each other.
On a side note there are members here who look upon their "T" as an almost holy figure. I find their obsessions with their therapists frightening. I wonder how they will ever get well. Pdocs and T's are people. Their job is to help you gain insights and hopefully use those insights to overcome issues. Nothing more. They are not surrogate lovers or parent figures who will remain with you forever helping you to survive from one session to the next.
In summation I think there is something basic wrong with the entire field.
I hope this isn't too disconcerting and doesn't discourage you from doing whatever it takes to heal and progress.
IMHO meds are more effective that traditional therapy for organic issues and possibly for inorganic issues. A good support system, persistence, and self education is more helpful than the average therapist... again just my opinion.
Lastly, you having no reason to feel ashamed. Whether your doc judges you is not something I'm in a position to know. You are the only one entitled to judge yourself. Depression makes a very effective witness for the prosecution. It is however a false witness. Getting past that is one of the keys to the fight.
I wish I could be more helpful. You are the key player here. You can do this.
I wish you the best.

I'm not sure I have faith in psychiatry either. I feel (in the UK anyway) they are overburdened with their work load and look at the clock as you're talking so they can get you out the door and get the next patient in. After having mental health problems for so long and seeing so many different pdocs over the years I know what they will say to me now before they even say it, their training talk comes through. After that, it's what kind of different medication they can give you. I've seen this new Psychiatrist twice in 3months and despite the fact I talk to noone, have OCD routines I "have" to follow everyday and avoid people because I don't trust them am anxious and paranoid around them, for our next appointment in 2 months she wants me to have researched voluntary work which I could do to help me get back into society, the thought of which makes me feel sick. I feel like I'm trying to be fast tracked to get better so they can't get me off their caseload and get the next person in. My people pleasing side is also kicking in as I feel I have to please her and find voluntary work to do which I will probably last a week at :-(

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( Ghost ))))))))