I hate life

I hate life, plain and simple. Always have, always will. I never wanted to be here. I hate how unfair it is. I hate all the feelings that I get. I hate being human, an animal. I hate having needs. I hate who I am, and I hate trying to make things better. I hate pretending everything's alright. I hate eating, I hate working, I hate sleeping, I hate the way people look at me. Life is so boring to me. There isn't that much in existence to see or experience. People say, "oh well you should travel then". So I'm going to go spend hours driving or flying on airplanes which I hate, then spend a fortune on a hotel somewhere that I am not comfortable in, just to see something other than the "norm". Just different climates, species of trees, maybe some water. Just feeling really negative today.

Oh, Sadley, I feel your pain. I am supposed to be working from home today and instead I'm laying in bed crying and on this website hoping to find a grain of encouragement here, actually probably more validation that I'm not the only one who's so sad and depressed.

I've never been happy although I've had moments of contentment. I tolerate life but get little enjoyment out of it. I have never understood people who ARE happy, or who "love life" - how is that possible? It seems as though I'm not even capable of such a thing.

I grew up in a family that believed the adage "life's a ***** and then you die." I'd so hoped I wouldn't adopt that myself but have. I've been depressed since I was a small child, grew up in a dysfunctional and abusive home, have been betrayed by anyone I'd ever cared about or tried to grow close to, the most recent and severe being the suicide of my partner of 40 years, from which I'm so lost and floundering. I thank God I have a job, He'd led me to a little house for me and my dog to live in, and I am grateful to have the basics of life, but my life itself is useless. I'm almost 60 years old and feel like I've failed at everything, a career, relationships, life. I look forward to it being over.

Been struggling with this issue too.. I think when your mentally ill it makes life that much harder. Im taking med but i feel like why bother so many times- i just keep falling backwards..