Severely depressed & don't realise or show it to others?

Hey guys

So not to go into any details, but put a trigger warning in the title for others.

My question is, given I failed FOUR suicide attempts in a short period of time in my mid teens, what are the chances I have severe depression and don't realise?

In your educated experience, what long lasting affects could the above have on an individual. Disorder and depression wise?

I'm 29 now, and my old psychiatrist said they wouldn't diagnose me with clinical depression (never actually asked for).

I say/ask though, since being counter-dependent up til the age of say 27, not showing reaction to anyone in a bid to present no one can affect/hurt me and being detatched and numb to the point of unrealism etc through my entire life, wouldn't I be damn good at hiding it, including from myself?

I mean, it's only in the last year ish (personal growth) that I realise I suffer from incredibly bad anxiety on multiple levels.

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I've tried SSRIs, SNRI, and hydroxyzine (for anxiety) but those failed for one reason or another. I'm going to ask my new Psychiatrist on Friday about MAOI (Tranylcypromine (Parnate) ) and Atypical depression.

I think given the above though, there is probably going to be more than Atypical depression going on with me, and I am hoping someone who is more educated and experienced than me, could help me with an outside perspective, because I do have trouble expressing suffering etc, because it's been my whole life and i'm probably used to it.

I've actually started reading about Bipolar today, but that's something else.

Thank you.

I know anxiety and depression can be linked, but unfortunately PC isn't a place where we can offer a diagnosis.

Also my T has always encouraged me to stay away from labels, as my T thinks they are not always helpful.

Hope your pdoc can help you with this - Soup

Self diagnosis is often unhelpful for physical or mental health problems. Labels may feel good like someone has taken you seriously but sometimes get in the way of the best treatment. If you trust your Pdoc they may have some good ideas. Unfortunately many of us have to live with symptoms we don't want(physically and mentally). Maybe it helps us to be richer, more compassionate people, though sometimes I wish that we could grow without suffering! My best wishes for your life journey and your work with new Pdoc.

Yeah I'm not big on labels either, I think they are a good starting point for recognising behaviours/symptoms though. I mean, when I found out about ADHD, I had 80% of the symptoms on the list, but only saw one of them as a problem (focus), well starting MPH (wrong med for me) I starting seeing how actually the rest of the symptoms were indeed problems.

I do trust my new pdoc (last one literally nearly killed me), however I'm struggling to allow decision to be made by another because of what happened with my previous pdoc. I actually submitted to their authority (first time in my life) because I knew my personality wouldn't help if got in the way of treatment/relationship with pdoc, but that was the biggest mistake of my life. I've even developed NEW problems because of them.

I definitely agree about making us better people, Fizzyo, i'm just trying to find some more directions to look at, so I am more likely/able to identify any problems and acknowledge them.

Thank you all.

Hard to say. For me it was the feeling of emptiness, apathy, lack of motivation, loss of interests, not being able to think clearly, social isolation and not ever wanting to wake up again that made me see a T at one point. Having some symptoms of depression doesn't necessarily mean you have it. A therapist might give you a diagnosis, but it's still kind of uncertain.

If you have symptoms which you think could impact your life, then something should probably be done about them.

Hey Numbed, thinking of you with your new Pdoc, hoping it is constructive for you this time.