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I know it's not always about me. I know this. But when someone cuts you off, it hurts. It hurts a lot. They were helping me stay strong. Someone to lean on. Someone who understood. Someone who talked sense and kept me grounded at times. Or who could just hold me and make things feel better for the moment. Who I could cry to, or laugh. Maybe it was all in my head. But it hurts. Especially when I don't know why. I see this person from time to time and they won't even look me in the eye. I know they have their reasons. I know it's not all about me. But I hate it. And it just keeps hurting. My T said I have too many other things on my plate at the moment, so this is probably best. But they were helping me. Maybe I was just too much of a burden. Too complicated. I do have a lot going on in my life, but this was good. I was feeling some sense of happiness that hasn't been in years. I felt it. I smiled. I don't want to let it go. And I'm sinking back into that horrible place that I loath to be. That place I never seem to escape.

: I do understand the hurt. You feel like there is some light but it's not what you can have. I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could help. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I understand. I lost it all too.

Hi Zayabean, I'm sorry for your loss, and it is a loss, you've lost someone you were close to/someone who mattered to you
And add to that the feelings of confusion and betrayal you might be feeling right now as they just cut you off, so you have every right to hurt
But I'm wondering if there's any chance you two could rebuild some kind of friendship/relationship again??? I really don't know if it would be the same as before but.......
Maybe there was a breakdown in communication you could both work on, maybe they've got problems or issues that you might be able to work through with, maybe there's been some misinterpretation from them which you could resolve??
But in the least even if things can't be rebuilt talking to them about what happened, as they haven't even told you that, may give you some answers and lead more to a sense of closure for you??? Maybe??? Just something to think about.........
And right now..........well different things you could do depending on how you're feeling about them.........either try to hold onto some of the positives they gave you, remember that grounded feeling and what they may say to help with that if you're feeling........remember that they showed you that it was OK to cry, to talk about your feelings and get support/that other people could "listen" and use that.........OR try to turn your focus on yourself right now, you are "still standing" and what matters now is YOU, and finding ways/support to help you with what you're going through. You haven't stopped mattering, remember that
And in terms of the person/the friend/relationship well sadly some people aren't able to stay "in it" long term or as fully as they make believe (intentionally or not)........and you're right it doesn't have to be about you, it can easily be just as much about them. But that's some people.......there will be others who can. And you might have some of those in your life already. Perhaps try to let them in a bit more, get more of that understanding/strength/caring from them??? And from us of course
So please try not to be seeing yourself as the reason/being a burden.......it may be much more about the friendship/relationship as it was not being the right/enduring/longterm one for you.
Either way there can be things that may gradually help you to come to some resolve over this.......from speaking to them, by focusing on you, by getting more support to deal with things.........in whatever way that might work for you.
I know it must be really painful right now but that feeling is one you can gradually overcome and until then.........here for you...........

Alison