[TheExhibitionist]

Ok so since about January-ish I thought there was something wrong with me and I searched up some of the ways I have been feeling and a lot of it pointed to Borderline Personality Disorder. until about a month ago I searched one simple phrase and thought it would bring up a slough of Disorders and diseases and from there I would narrow it down. Instead everything came up DEPRESSION. I didn't believe it so I read up a lot about it and kinda watched how I have been acting for the past month and even though I still don't want to believe it I think I might have depression.

I'm in a rut though, recently I wanted to go to my school psychologist to talk but I can never find the time also the last time I asked him he kinda laughed and asked why which was really demotivating and upsetting since it was in a hallway filled with kids (I said NVM)it made me feel worse. Then I tried telling my best buddy and he just told me about some story how he used to be sad all of time, which I didn't want to hear, and after that told me I can talk to him whenever I feel some type of way and now I feel like he doesn't care or Ignores me when I do, It is at most once a week. so I dont think i'm bothering him, but now I don't like talking to him. I really feel like I have no one else to talk to and since I'm a guy some people will think i'm overreacting or being a baby.

Also it doesn't help that my grades have dropped from A's and B's to C's and D's. Since that happened my dad asks me why and I want to tell him but I don't want to tell him that his son might be more messed up than he already thinks. Plus he will think that i'm coming up with an excuse and he will think i'm trying to guilt trip him into not grounding me, which I could care less if he did or not. I don't want to tell my mom because then my dad will get mad for not telling him. I don't know what to do, I don't really want to tell a teacher either because I think they will think I'm using it as an excuse. I want someone I can talk too. but i don't really know who. I don't want people to pity me I just kinda want to know what is wrong with me and be able to talk about it.

[Wabbit1911]

Hi Exhibitionist.

Depression can leave you feeling like you are alone. I know, I'm there now but I recently took the step to try and get a handle on myself. I talked to my Doctor, which was extremely hard for me. I can understand how asking for help seems like something you can't do, but you can. Please, talk to your parents. If not them, talk to the school therapist. If he asks why in a crowded place again, tell him you need to discuss it in private. Don't feel ashamed to ask for help. And if it doesn't come immediately, don't give up.

[fruitbat22]

I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with depression my senior year of highschool and it was really hard. My family denied my issue and made me feel crazy. I had to be the one to put myself in the guidance counselors office and tell then how I felt. If they are doing their job correctly they will take you seriously. Next thing I knew I was sent to a crisis center where I was hooked up with a psychiatrist and connections for a therapist. It was scary. But its nice to at least KNOW what's wrong. Try to stay strong. You may want to/need to take meds and it may be a trial/error sort of thing. But if you are finding it hard to talk to someone in your life such as a friend or family member, I HIGHLY recommend you see a therapist. They aren't going to judge you for being a male. If you can't get through to the school counseler, talk to a teacher you trust. Their job is to help you.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I hope you find the courage to tell your parents. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

[vital]

Originally Posted by TheExhibitionist

I don't want people to pity me I just kinda want to know what is wrong with me and be able to talk about it.

Hi Exhibitionist,

This might be what's wrong with you. See the notes attached to this post

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4369910-post130.html

In any case, this is a great place to talk about it.

- vital