[Jordan087]

Hi guys,
It took a while to finally get this post together, but here it is.
I've been feeling a bit worse than usual these days, so I figure it is time I should reach out to someone. Nobody in my life will believe I am depressed. This is probably because I hide it so well, with my sense of humour still being intact.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting as you can see, is that I feel my fiancee doesn't seem to give a darn about my depression. In fact, it makes her mad at me.
I have let her in and told her about the way I'm feeling before, but that doesnt seem to make a difference at all. Just so we are clear, I don't try to use depression as an excuse, and I don't even mention the word to her.

I try my best to do things to make her happy, and all I get is crapped on for it. She will get mad at me for doing things too slowly, or screwing something up, and then she acts as if I am doing it on purpose.

Like today, I was making her chicken parmesan, and I accidentally cooked one side a little bit burned when I was frying the breaded chicken. So as I expected, she chewed me out for it and said it was because I didn't care enough about anything other than myself. She has been under a lot of stress lately, but this kind of behaviour is really unnecessary. I don't treat her like that. We're a couple, we should be partners. Im tired of getting stomped on every time i make a mistake. She should be helping me heal, not hinder it.

To get to the point, I want to know what I can do to pull myself out of this. I want to be happy again so I can make my fiancee happy. I love her very much, and I want to believe we can get through this. I just dont know what to do or what to say to her. I feel like anything I do is hopeless, and I'm just going to fail. The Depression Screening survey says I am severely depressed, but I just dont know what to believe anymore.

Any tips you can give me for coping would be appreciated.

[Benjipie]

Hi Jordan087

From my experience it can be difficult for all parties involved when talking about suffering depression, maybe your fiancee feels frustrated with herself because the situation is new between you two or because she just doesn't know what to do to help.

Have you thought about going to the doctors? Or to a therapist? It can be a great relief to talk to someone about the way you feel, even if it is a stranger at first and it's loads better than keeping it all to yourself.

[dysphoricspirit]

My mom used to feel that acknowledging my depression or health issues will only make them worse or give them more power. Like if I told her I'm depressed she'd tell me that it's nonsense, and that I'm not depressed. She thought denial would suppress it, but overtime she learned more about depression and changed her ways, maybe your fiancee is going through the same phase.

Also I have learnt that some people use anger to cope with things that they don't understand. It's wrong, maybe she's trying to make you feel guilty for being depressed, in the hopes that it will snap you out of your depression.

[fruitbat22]

People who don't suffer from depression have a hard time understanding it. My husband loves me very much and tries to be supportive but gets angry and frustrated when he can't make me feel better. Sometimes he says he thinks I'm crazy and that he didn't marry a crazy person. That hurts. But then he apologizes and he acknowledges that he crossed a line and will open up about his frustrations. Maybe try and work on your communication together. And definitely go see a doctor. Do everything you can to help yourself.

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by Jordan087

Like today, I was making her chicken parmesan, and I accidentally cooked one side a little bit burned when I was frying the breaded chicken. So as I expected, she chewed me out for it and said it was because I didn't care enough about anything other than myself.

Any tips you can give me for coping would be appreciated.

Please gently inform your fiancée that a team of U.S. Navy psychiatrists performed a recently declassified study in the Mid-Pacific in the 1970's that completely discredited any correlation between narcissism and the preparation of chicken parm. Dishes found to have a positive correlation with narcissism included shave ice, high-grade sashimi, roast whole pork, and Rock Cornish game hens. Google it if she doesn't believe me.

Originally Posted by Jordan087

Hi guys,
It took a while to finally get this post together, but here it is.
I've been feeling a bit worse than usual these days, so I figure it is time I should reach out to someone. Nobody in my life will believe I am depressed. This is probably because I hide it so well, with my sense of humour still being intact.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting as you can see, is that I feel my fiancee doesn't seem to give a darn about my depression. In fact, it makes her mad at me.
I have let her in and told her about the way I'm feeling before, but that doesnt seem to make a difference at all. Just so we are clear, I don't try to use depression as an excuse, and I don't even mention the word to her.

I try my best to do things to make her happy, and all I get is crapped on for it. She will get mad at me for doing things too slowly, or screwing something up, and then she acts as if I am doing it on purpose.

Like today, I was making her chicken parmesan, and I accidentally cooked one side a little bit burned when I was frying the breaded chicken. So as I expected, she chewed me out for it and said it was because I didn't care enough about anything other than myself. She has been under a lot of stress lately, but this kind of behaviour is really unnecessary. I don't treat her like that. We're a couple, we should be partners. Im tired of getting stomped on every time i make a mistake. She should be helping me heal, not hinder it.

To get to the point, I want to know what I can do to pull myself out of this. I want to be happy again so I can make my fiancee happy. I love her very much, and I want to believe we can get through this. I just dont know what to do or what to say to her. I feel like anything I do is hopeless, and I'm just going to fail. The Depression Screening survey says I am severely depressed, but I just dont know what to believe anymore.

Any tips you can give me for coping would be appreciated.

My best tip is find another fiance. This one doesn't sound good. Sorry.

[Shota1]

Hi Jordan,

It's unfortunate that you are experiencing these feelings of depression. The darkness of depression can often seem surreal, affecting only you and leaving others in a position of not understanding.

I am wondering if your depression began prior to your relationship with your fiancé. Based on your story, it appears there may be some serious communication issues in the relationship. Being devoted to a relationship that is marked by poor communication can be a cause of depression in itself.

I would also like to encourage you to consider the depth of your compatibility with this person. It seems that you two are not "on the same page". She's on a different chapter. If she does not respect you and accept the person you are today, how will she do so tomorrow?

Best wishes to you, Jordan! Keep us posted.

[Blues47]

Originally Posted by Jordan087

Like today, I was making her chicken parmesan, and I accidentally cooked one side a little bit burned when I was frying the breaded chicken. So as I expected, she chewed me out for it and said it was because I didn't care enough about anything other than myself.

As an all things parm fan I'm a little upset to hear this myself...you gotta respect the parm

I personally think nobody is obligated to understand depression...I sure as hell wish I didn't. When I'm fortunate enough to find myself in a relationship I try very hard to keep my depression out of it. I've given up on the idea of getting married because it takes too much energy to keep up the façade full time. I wish you luck...that you're engaged at all shows an optimism I've long abandoned.