[tealBumblebee]

I've been getting a lot better lately but I mentioned to T this week that it's a bit annoying that I have these urges of "wanting to be depressed" (e.g. to cry, be sad, anxious etc.). The urges seem to come out of nowhere, and it's only on the basis that things have been exceptionally well that I can talk myself out of "going there".

Today, I am having those urges pretty bad but am still pushing through. As I get "better" I have less desire to reach out for help (email t, or call a friend) because I know i'm not at my lowest of lows. T says that our brains form certain path ways after traumatic experiences and the way we cope and so this is basically me "reprogramming my brain" (nothing I was forced to do or told to do).

It's a sign of progress but it's just very difficult. There are times where I just want to lay down and sleep, curl up and cry but I know that all is well in the world and I have no reason to do that. I'm not invalidating my feelings as much as analyzing and rationalizing the basis of them (as much as one can).

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you stay above water when your body physically wants to pull you down? I know it's a matter of will vs. habit but it's kind of hard when either side only relents for a short moment before returning. Any suggestions on how to manage would be so appreciated.

[SeekerOfLife]

Same here, Teal. With me, it is the depression. No reason to be depressed. No crisis. No reason to reach out. Pushing through? Slogging through? I get you. Wanting to just go to bed, and yet, not unwell enough to do so. No real advice. I go through the same thing almost daily.

[TheOriginalMe]

There are times where I just want to lay down and sleep, curl up and cry but I know that all is well in the world and I have no reason to do that.

Remember that you have physical needs as well as emotional needs, so perhaps wanting to lay down and sleep is actually what you need. I'm thinking of the kind of general "under the weather" that resolves itself after a good night's sleep. Physical tiredness can impact on emotions too, so feeling a bit weepy when I'm tired isn't uncommon for me.

Pushing through is great, but so is being kind to yourself. Are you pushing too hard? It is perfectly OK to allow yourself to be a little down (either physically or emotionally) from time to time.

[tealBumblebee]

Seeker Does it ever end? What keeps you pushing?

TheOriginalMe, Thanks. I guess I can't differ the physical exhaustion from the depressed exhaustion. T mentioned that she thinks i'm going back into a depression (i go up and down) so we're trying to counter it. I was able to swim myself back up but its hard to keep my head above water. And even harder when I realize that its likely only myself weighing me down.

"It is perfectly OK to allow yourself to be a little down (either physically or emotionally) from time to time. "

Thanks, I will keep this in mind as I am hesitant to allow myself to get back to that place.

[IrisBloom]

We all have natural ups and downs. It's when we get down and can't get back up that it's harmful. IMO fighting against your natural tendencies is more exhausting than just going with the flow. "Normal" people are not happy and on top of things all the time, so we shouldn't expect to either.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Keep up the good work!

[SeekerOfLife]

My depression has been with me for years. Some things have to be done. No real choice. Everything else remains undone until I can find the mental energy to deal with lesser things.

[Clara22]

It happen something similar to me and I was physically ill at the end. Perhaps you could ask your doctor for a health check