[jgseattle16]

So before I start I suppose its important to know that im a teen girl. I'll be 17 on June 11th, and im 4'11 in height. That may seem like random and unnecessary information but trust me I have a point.

I have multiple mental disorders however the most prevalent two are severe depression and body mortification disorder (not sure if that's the right terminology, I apologize in advance). Throughout my life trauma has been the definition of existence; there is a very extensive list of things that have happened in my life and to try to keep this as short and simple as possible I will keep those details out.

Recently i have become pretty sick. I've been vomiting and diarrhea and the whole nine yards, and haven't even been able to keep water down. But I like it... And that's where the sick part of my mind comes out. I've been struggling with anorexia nervosa and bulimia for a few years now and its been this last few month that I've really dove into it. Being sick makes it easier to mask around my family and makes not eating unsuspected. Since last Wednesday I have gone from 118lbs to 107lbs... And I'm proud of that... I know its sick... I know its wrong... But I can't help it.. I want to be so thin and so sick I end up in the hospital...

At first I thought that this was wrong when it started many years ago but now I thrive from loosing and being faint and being told I look thin and now I am obsessed with it... I know that its sick of me to think this way but I can't help it...people tell me I need help and they hope I recover buy that's the thing, I don't want to...

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) jgseattles. Sorry to hear you are suffering from depression and physical disorders. I am also sorry that you express that you do not want to recover, since our own intentions are also the seed of our recovery.

Some people choose talk therapy with a therapist specializing in the are of our challenge. Others have a professional diagnosis with a psychiatrist to be sure of having a solid idea of what you are suffering from and the opportunity to see how your condition responds to meds.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[kaliope]

i dont have experience myself with anorexia but i see nobody has answered your post and i dont want you feeling alone. my sister died a year ago. she battled eating disorders most her life. she was normal weight most of her last years, probably the last eight. only really thin about six years but she had done so much damage to her body her intestines couldnt function normally and kept getting blocked and she would have to have repeated surgeries to remove the blockages and parts of her intestines and the scar tissue. it got to where her stomach would bloat up because she could not digest her food and she had to pump it out of her stomach after she ate. she would be so weak she had to use a walker to walk. she was constantly in the hospital because her potassium levels were so low. she was always near death. and then she was finally dead. her body just couldnt handle the stress any longer. she was sorry in the end that she had abused herself so badly but there was no going back. it was too late for her. please, learn from her mistake.

[avlady]

yes, listen to kaliope. as a matter of fact i used to be anorixic as a teenager. i just posted telling someone here a minute ago, before i even read your post. the thing that helped me was learning to eat. there is a right way and a wrong way. we need our veggies, fruits and for those who like meat too if it keeps you healthy. eat in moderation, you being anorixic need to gain weight, you'll be surprised as to how good you look with a little meat on your bones. being bony isn't really glamorous not even for the models, they look gross to me now that i consider myself overweight from having a child. hope you feel better soon and please get the help you need!!!!