Feeling like I want to give up--- Is this bad?

So I think about suicide 50% of the week. At least once a day I start to humor the thoughts, but I'm never serious about it, just thinking about it. Oddly Goggling suicide, along with reading and thinking about it gives me comfort.

One Perspective: Feelings themselves are neither good nor bad; they just are.

I've done the same thing. I've looked at the suicide prevention pages and wondered if I'd really call... And I've wondered who really does call. I know the elderly are very vulnerable and would probably call... Then the webpages look dated and then I wonder if the people who wrote all of that ever update anything or is it just like a bumper sticker in the middle of the internets... So yes, knowing that there is content out there is weirdly comforting. The actual reality of an attempt is very sad though, not recommended!

Hi
The very reason that reading and thinking about Suicide giving you comfort is because you get a hope that your misery ends with your life. Depression is about hopelessness and when you find some hope that ending your life will end the sufferings you are attracted to it.