[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Of course, that is not true. They don't know I have depression, because I never told them. If I ever was slightly in the mood of being stupid enough to tell them, they'll say "They caught you with their lies! Grow up!" I don't know who they are, or what that's supposed to mean, but they believe in it for some weird reason. I can't help but think, why are they so close-minded? I don't seem to find a clear answer to that question.

I've been very depressed this week, because I stopped taking my medication for two weeks due to a serious case of hypertension, stage 1, as a matter of fact. Now I'm better, and back to taking my medication, which isn't something big and severe, it's St. John's Wort, but I stopped to focus on a supplement unique to hypertension. However, that's not our subject. I've been feeling very numb, I still am, but tonight they want to celebrate my sister's birthday at a restaurant, on a week-end, in a very crowded place, and I'm too numb and not ready. I told my mother that I don't want to come, but you already know the response and how jokingly aggravated it was. So, now I'm going, and as always, I'll remain silent, and they'll do the talking and the laughing and eating, and I'll be playing the role of a seat filler boy. So why am I there exactly? To show them love? Love only shows if I was having dinner or something? Even though I'm join to be completely and utterly silent throughout the entire evening? I know I might be thinking too much, but when I ask them to do something for me and they apologize, I don't yell at them, I understand, smile at them, maybe try talking them into it a little bit, and then attend to the matter ALONE. I don't go aggressive on them. I really just want to be treated the same way.

[Rohag]

You already know this -- you cannot count on your parents changing.
Does your sister have any sense for your struggle to be there for the birthday celebration?

Wishing you strength, at least just for tonight.

it sucks that your family don't understand.

i hate that myself.

wish my family would at least try to listen. even if they still don't understand, it would be nice to listen for a change rather than just shoot you down

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Rohag

You already know this -- you cannot count on your parents changing.
Does your sister have any sense for your struggle to be there for the birthday celebration?

Wishing you strength, at least just for tonight.

Thanks, Rohag.

My sister has no idea at all, and I don't want to ruin her night. The time is different in my country, in fact, it's almost midnight, so we came back. As expected, I didn't speak before, during, and after dinner, almost entirely. I don't see why I had to go, I'm now completely exhausted and the hang out made me want the bed even more.

I don't know what age is suitable for me to make my own decisions. I'm 21 now, not a kid.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

it sucks that your family don't understand.

i hate that myself.

wish my family would at least try to listen. even if they still don't understand, it would be nice to listen for a change rather than just shoot you down

I hear you. I myself want to blow up in front of everybody just to make them listen and at least nod, I don't want them to speak a single word. What saddens me is that I'm aggressive, and not so diplomatic and reasonable, I might end up shooting everybody one day.

I am sorry your sisters party was not enjoyable for you. You mentioned you may end up shooting everyone some day. It sounds to me that by holding your depression in, and not dealing with it, your are, in actuality, harming yourself.
I would like to support you by saying you should look into counseling or therapy. I go to therapy, and it has greatly helped me. Even though I am still dealing with depression, I no longer want to die, or feel like I am going to explode from frustration.

[Angelique67]

I read the OP a few days ago and didn't know what to say. It sounds to me like an unfortunately typical family situation. But I agree, therapy could be helpful. If I'm not making sense, please excuse me, I haven't slept.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Ponygirl2015

I am sorry your sisters party was not enjoyable for you. You mentioned you may end up shooting everyone some day. It sounds to me that by holding your depression in, and not dealing with it, your are, in actuality, harming yourself.
I would like to support you by saying you should look into counseling or therapy. I go to therapy, and it has greatly helped me. Even though I am still dealing with depression, I no longer want to die, or feel like I am going to explode from frustration.

Thank you for this, deeply The fact that I went there against my well, and the fact they talk about things that don't interest me, is the reason why I was silent almost the whole evening, and they didn't even notice it because I wear my mask well. I know that I'm probably only harming myself, but it is better than harming other people. But, these last few days, I feel like I lost every bit of emotion and empathy in me, and it is scary. I feel like I should do something about that, because this is not me. And, shooting everybody is putting it lightly compared to whatever is going through my mind, and the schemes I have of physically hurting those who emotionally hurt me.

I'm glad that you're feeling better and more like yourself Please, don't let anyone like me drag you to darkness again!

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I read the OP a few days ago and didn't know what to say. It sounds to me like an unfortunately typical family situation. But I agree, therapy could be helpful. If I'm not making sense, please excuse me, I haven't slept.

Thanks It is a typical situation that doesn't need to be griped about as much as I did gripe about it. I can't pay for therapy, I'm relying on whatever money I save from the university's social aid, and I can't go to therapy on a weekly basis since my family doesn't know that I go there in the first place, so they can't financially help me in that matter.

[waterknob1234]

Hi there. Your situation with your sister's birthday dinner sounds so much like my situation with my in-laws. We are all supposed to get together for a social on every holiday and when it is not a holiday. It doesn't matter if you have other plans. It doesn't matter if you have to work. They act as if you are supposed to take off work, redo your plans to suit theirs. Then you sit there and they ignore you the whole time and it is uncomfortable. It is irritating. Sometimes I go to the gatherings to "keep the peace."

There are times though when I cannot go just to keep the peace. Then they start insisting I go.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by RenouncedTroglodyte

...and they didn't even notice it because I wear my mask well.

How many of us have learned to wear a mask to appear to "fit in?"

I wish you had a place in real life, there in Kuwait or nearby, where you could drop the mask for a few hours each week.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by RenouncedTroglodyte

Thanks It is a typical situation that doesn't need to be griped about as much as I did gripe about it. I can't pay for therapy, I'm relying on whatever money I save from the university's social aid, and I can't go to therapy on a weekly basis since my family doesn't know that I go there in the first place, so they can't financially help me in that matter.

Oh, I didn't mean you shouldn't be expressing your feelings, you have every right to do that here! I'm sorry about that. Would they take the news about you being in therapy badly?

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Oh, I didn't mean you shouldn't be expressing your feelings, you have every right to do that here! I'm sorry about that. Would they take the news about you being in therapy badly?

It's not something you intended to say I'm a weirdo, that's all.

My family will probably get a bit hostile about therapy, because they're not aware that they have a huge misconception about any mental illness being a mental "condition". What I have is something that any ordinary guy could have (as if I'm Kal-El of Krypton), and the difference is that I decided to act, instead of doing nothing in its regards. However, only mom knows about this, and she's supportive, and apparently the situation is different when it comes to birthday parties Even so, I can't accept her money. It's a thing with me also, I don't accept foreign money, but I acknowledge that at some point I might need to.

[Thought+Broad.Girl]

well, "They caught you with their lies! Grow up!" simply mean society is a lie! don't believe! LOL

and i commend you greatly for going to the event even with how sad you are and how isolated you feel! it shows great strength. many of my family members are agoraphobic, meaning we ONLY leave the house if there is a fire or earthquake! so good for you! LOL <3

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Thought+Broad.Girl

well, "They caught you with their lies! Grow up!" simply mean society is a lie! don't believe! LOL

and i commend you greatly for going to the event even with how sad you are and how isolated you feel! it shows great strength. many of my family members are agoraphobic, meaning we ONLY leave the house if there is a fire or earthquake! so good for you! LOL <3

If you see what face I give when I get denial to my requests, you'll know that I actually don't "commend" all of the time All I want is to be left alone, and not to be trifled with.

[Thought+Broad.Girl]

Originally Posted by RenouncedTroglodyte

If you see what face I give when I get denial to my requests, you'll know that I actually don't "commend" all of the time All I want is to be left alone, and not to be trifled with.

i completely feel you! i am a loner and on ssi! living with my mom at age 31! LOL

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Thought+Broad.Girl

well, "They caught you with their lies! Grow up!" simply mean society is a lie! don't believe! LOL

and i commend you greatly for going to the event even with how sad you are and how isolated you feel! it shows great strength. many of my family members are agoraphobic, meaning we ONLY leave the house if there is a fire or earthquake! so good for you! LOL <3

That's how bad my agoraphobia has become too. I promised two people I would change but I don't know if I can!

[wa(o)rrior]

Hi Friend

I just want to share my thoughts. I do feel the same when it comes to family outings, parties, weddings. i just don't want to go because it feels so uncomfortable. everyone will be happy and laughing and i feel so isolated. and the people will want you to join them in their fun and if you don't they get angry.