still fifteen y/o inside

i will never understand reality. the last time i remember knowing reality from dream for sure, i was only 14. after the break up with my first love, i got back together with an ex, and we did a lot of psychedelics. things have never been the same and will never be the same again. I will live with my thoughts being read forever. i will trip like i am still on acid for the rest of my life and i am only 31. i stopped taking the lsd, and pot at age 16 but things never improved no matter how hard i tried. i can't change my thoughts, and i can't get over the fact that the people reading my mind are contently on me about everything i do/think every second. and i will always have a face that changes shape and size, and i will never have a normal pure relationship like i did before the lsd trips. i did not know you could really get stuck on the trips for the rest of your life even after quitting. and i still don't know what's real. i think people Do read my mind, and i am just a week person because i can't deal with it right.

you're still here after all this time so you must be a very strong person. All that difficulty and you're still trying!
You can't be brave unless you're scared and you can't be strong unless you're dealing with difficulties! I admire you.

I'm trying to remind myself that the voice of God is supposed to be peaceful and encouraging and that all other voices are not of God I am feeling better today!

the Missionaries came over at 1pm as promised, but i was depressed this morning so i slept through it. but it helped me anyway because i started looking up how to hear god and tell if a voice in not god. it helped me a LOT.

Hi Friend

Spiritual path is always considered as the best option for eternal bliss. Glad you are on that path...

Wow I've never met anyone with long term trips. Must be terrifying, well done for coping with life so long like that.

thank you, i have been experiencing some positive synchronicities since i began seeking god, but i still fall backwards in my faith a LOT. i can never be completely sure about things, you know?

well, it's not exactly like i am on the Acid, but the delusions i experience are the same as the ones i did while i was on the drug. My recent ex calls me "perma-fried" (permanently on a lsd trip) because he has done it too. and he says the things i go through are just like that. the things i say are like i am on pot even though i quit. and he is right. i didn't experience anything like what i do before drugs. i didn't see pictures in the walls, floors, trees, etc. i didn't hallucinate twisting and turning objects right in front of my face. No one could read my mind - that is a big one for me and it is constant, it has NEVER gone away since that fist acid trip about telepathy. i still believe it to be true and wish i could find some concrete answers about it.

LOL! sorry. LOLOLOLOL! (sometimes i laugh randomly) but i was having a trip about my psychosis, and as i scrolled up i saw the little face of your user icon! LOL!!! just the expression on the face! HAHAHAHAAAAAAA! LOL

Hey spiritual woman of courage, God be close to you and keep you safe.

thank you!

actually am glad it made you laugh. little do we see humor in small things these days.