[justaguy92]

Over the last 5-6 weeks, for the first time in my life, I have felt depressed. I've had O.C.D. and occasional anxiety for a decade, but never depression until this summer.

In December, I will be graduating college. I'm currently in an internship. I had to cut back my hours in my internship last month, and for a few weeks I was feeling a bit better but not 100%, I then started to feel not so great this past weekend and this week, I feel like I did in early July - I want to sleep all the time, I don't want to see anyone, I feel embarrassed about my condition, I feel guilty because I'm not getting work done and because I'm not organized, concentration is difficult, and I'm worried about the future. I felt this way a few weeks ago and couldn't work for a few days, then I became better but over this weekend and especially the last two days, I feel like I'm regressing.

I am on medication and in therapy. But I am concerned that the work I'm doing this summer, my own embarrassment, my own guilt, and my worry about the future are really impacting my mood. I also don't know if people fully understand what I'm going through. My family does, and I've only told a few of my friends what is going on, they all feel bad for me but I don't know if all of them understand.

I don't know why I'm so upset/depressed exactly, every little task just seems like a huge challenge and as work piles up, I just want to go in my room and not deal with anything or anybody. Then I feel bad, it's a cycle. Is it normal to feel better, then not?

Basically, I end up obsessing over things, I don't sleep well, I am not motivated, I want to be alone etc.

[healingme4me]

Trouble with concentration is certainly one thing my pdoc asks me about in my regular checkups. And I'm to call if anything changes.

I'm a bit baffled about feelings of embarrassment and guilt, however. If you feel like talking, most everyone is here to listen.

Welcome to PC.

[flockpride]

I too, keep tabs on the cognitive stuff, because that's a key indicator of the status of my depression. I do know that as graduation approaches people can get scared. The predictable structure of school will stop and then things are wide open. That can be intimidating. To be scared is a normal response to some things.

Feeling depression for the first time can be very scary.

Also, it sounds like the medication is relatively new? It often takes time to have an effect. Talking to the doctor is always a good idea, especially if you're early in the process of finding the right dose of medication.

Hang in there. I'm much older than you from the sound of where you are in life, and I have lived with depression a long time. It gets better. Try not to isolate; that makes it worse. Getting out into the sun and fresh air can help. Knowing that your thoughts are only thoughts and not reality can help. Knowing that you are not your thoughts can help.

People are here for you.

[doyoutrustme]

Being on the bottom rung, especially as an intern, sucks. If you are getting piled on too much, there is a good chance people are taking advantage of you.

Make a list of all of your workload, and bring it to your supervisor. Tell him or her than you feel burnt out, and you need help prioritizing what needs to get done by when, and what is not realistically not your responsibility. People think this shows weakness, but it actually shows strength to do this.

[vital]

Originally Posted by justaguy92

...I don't know why I'm so upset/depressed exactly, every little task just seems like a huge challenge and as work piles up, I just want to go in my room and not deal with anything or anybody. Then I feel bad, it's a cycle. Is it normal to feel better, then not?

Basically, I end up obsessing over things, I don't sleep well, I am not motivated, I want to be alone etc.

Hi justaguy,

I find that it helps to really understand what's happening in your head while this stuff is going on. You might recognize yourself in these notes:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

and here's what I think is the best overall plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital