[Angelica097]

Its been a while since i last came to psych central, a lot happen. My sister who i love dearly left 3 months ago and got marry to someone i never met. Since she been gone i been feeling so alone. I'm 18 now, yet i don't feel it and now i'm in that age where i have to be thinking about my future and being responsible but i have this fear that i am going to fail.I been pushing away family, i been isolating myself and lately i been shutting the world off and i know that its not healthy but i feel more safe alone because lets face if anyone gonna be there for you its you. Its more because people are cruel judgmental people that been bringing me down. Last night i cried for no reason, me 2 o'clock in the morning crying for no reason and getting up to go to school been harder to do my school start at 7:45 my bus arrives at 7:16 its like a 6 min walk to the bus stop and lately i been waking up at 6:50 or later i will wake up at 5:50 because i use to to get up that early to get ready for school but lately i will wake up and go back to sleep. I will come home and sleep again. Its hard, and it gets harder and harder and harder everyday getting up for school and getting up in general. I don't have friends like i said people can be cruel and i'm just plain awkward.
i Know that i should seek help but i don't think its gonna help, its so predictable
to know what doctors would say.
i been distracting myself with books,art,music trying not to pressure and stress myself, it hasn't been working but at least i'm trying.
i been sinking.
I feel like i been sinking like i'm falling, like when your dreaming and you fall and you wake up but i'm not waking up because i'm not dreaming and how much i wish i was. It would make so much sense. I always thought that maybe i'm asleep and this is my nightmare and i will wake you happy. I wish i was asleep.

[Idiot17]

((((Angelica))))
It's predictable what doctors would say, yet it's still beneficial. Otherwise why would so many people that can't afford it make the effort to seek it.
Sleep....comatose. ...sounds wonderful.....

[wa(o)rrior]

Hi Friend

I can understand your frustration being so young and feeling so helpless. but believe me if you can't handle it yourself its better to let the professionals to handle it. some times anti-depressants are the best option. they relax you and get you out of the miserable state so that you can have a clear mind. then you can try other options like relaxation, meditation, exercise because right now you wouldn't even have the mind to try or keep it going.

first i want you to understand that you are depressed and accept it's an illness. you are not secreting enough brain chemicals. when you accept that it calms your mind and then the healing begins. resisting and denials are going to worsen the situation. and i appreciate your trying to distract yourself with all available resources.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Angelica097

Its been a while since i last came to psych central, a lot happen. My sister who i love dearly left 3 months ago and got marry to someone i never met. Since she been gone i been feeling so alone. I'm 18 now, yet i don't feel it and now i'm in that age where i have to be thinking about my future and being responsible but i have this fear that i am going to fail.I been pushing away family, i been isolating myself and lately i been shutting the world off and i know that its not healthy but i feel more safe alone because lets face if anyone gonna be there for you its you. Its more because people are cruel judgmental people that been bringing me down. Last night i cried for no reason, me 2 o'clock in the morning crying for no reason and getting up to go to school been harder to do my school start at 7:45 my bus arrives at 7:16 its like a 6 min walk to the bus stop and lately i been waking up at 6:50 or later i will wake up at 5:50 because i use to to get up that early to get ready for school but lately i will wake up and go back to sleep. I will come home and sleep again. Its hard, and it gets harder and harder and harder everyday getting up for school and getting up in general. I don't have friends like i said people can be cruel and i'm just plain awkward.
i Know that i should seek help but i don't think its gonna help, its so predictable
to know what doctors would say.
i been distracting myself with books,art,music trying not to pressure and stress myself, it hasn't been working but at least i'm trying.
i been sinking.
I feel like i been sinking like i'm falling, like when your dreaming and you fall and you wake up but i'm not waking up because i'm not dreaming and how much i wish i was. It would make so much sense. I always thought that maybe i'm asleep and this is my nightmare and i will wake you happy. I wish i was asleep.

Hi Angelica,

I think that shutting out the world for a while might not be such a bad idea. I know how it is, and you might need to do that a bit to protect yourself. I think that books, art and music can also be very helpful. If you are a student, I think that getting really, really into studying can be beneficial also.

Depression is a thing that makes you feel passive and helpless, even when you're not really. It really helps to understand exactly how it works and why it's hard to get at directly:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

I know you are very young still, but I think it helps a lot to actively try things and find out what works for yourself. You might get some ideas from what I think is the best overall plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[Fizzyo]

Hi Angelica welcome back. A lot has happened in your life recently and when you're already vulnerable,it's overwhelming. I would encourage you to get all the support you can get, talking to a counsellor at school if they have one may help in the short term while you arrange other professional help. When I was your age and depressed I told no one and got no help which, looking back was a mistake. You have done well keeping on going to school, but sometimes a little help can enable you to get more out of the opportunities you only get when young, and, more importantly to get some pleasure out of life which IS possible.
The best and kindest wishes I can send,

[Bill3]

(((((Angelica097)))))

[i dont matter]

..... welcome back...