Waking up is the worst

Every day my eyes open I just want to die. I think part of it's me and part of it my marriage. Don't crucify me but I married the wrong person 22 yrs. ago and have been sad most of that time, but even before we met, many years in fact. How I've stayed married is beyond me but I was always afraid God would punish me.
I had prayed for a Christian mate and here he came. He loves me but I just can't return the feelings. I hung in there for the kids all this time. He is a great provider and a very hard worker for us but it's not fair to him or me to live this way. Problem is we have to file bankruptcy soon due to some investment homes we lost years ago and cannot afford to even live separately. I still need to find a decent paying job too. So what to do...what to do.
I have been depressed since age of 10 and no amount of meds make me feel normal or like I even want to DO anything...ever...my poor teens have a mother who can't get out of bed or get off the couch. I feel paralysed and sad all the time. There is no one like me, I am not normal. Can't be.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

(((((Olivia)))))

Hi Olivia4,

I'm not surprised about your experience with meds. They often don't work or they work for a while and quit because of oppositional tolerance. Lucky for you, there are a bunch of things to try that are likely to improve your depression a lot and are just great for your health anyway! Here's what I think is the best overall plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

You may find these notes helpful. I think it's a great way to get started:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital

You're not alone and no freak. Be kind to yourself as much as you can.

Dear Friend

You have been a survivor all these years. just hang on in there, you'll survive. learn to let go. learn to accept. if you can't be active its because of lethargy. so stop blaming yourself.