Hi all. This is most likely the most difficult most disapointing post i've made. This is my truth and my fear.

As all who become depressed for the first time, you think its temperary sadness that was just casued by something small.

Being a kid yet to even reach teenage hood I felt sad, no reason , I never quuestioned my sadness just felt it. Never explored it, never understand it. As I grew into it from child hood to being a teen full of hormones, I realized its here for longer then a week,a month, a year, and quite possibly forever.

Well now I've had depression for several years 6 years maybe? And next year turning into an adult 18 I know this is more then I had ever anticipated.

You must want to get better, you must love yourself, and trust those who understand. These are words and phrases I hear so so often.

Honestly. I want. Badly to get better, but just like a drug addict, isn't the feeling of being on a buzz/high much more common then feeling normal? Thats also true for my and most of our depressions, being sad just like being happy is easy because its 1 emotion that isnt interuptted. Mixed feelings complicate our life , hence why teenagers are so damn moody =D.

My story is repetetive. I've lost more then i've gained, I've lost the friends I once had do to forceing theem into being my friends. I've lost my will, becauise I neverunderstand my confidents. And Now i'm loosing my own trust.

My poetry best describes me. I've let many individuals read it. It shocks them, scares them, and they leave. One thing that is grappling my attention is the fact that I've not had ONE NOT ONE person come into my life EVER to be with me, as a friend, nothing unless I am the one who forceses it.

That's why I hate my therapist as well as ALL therapist, at first its ok, but 6 years of having to PAY someone professional to listen to me. I have family , friends WHY WHY WHY WONT THEY? I've tried for 6 years, yet I grasp the same tears, the disapointment of failure to understand why they wont understand me.

[SecretGarden]

What is your role in all of this Moonkin?

[dreamrunner]

Hi Moonkin...I have to say I was a little shocked when I read your post.Not so much for what you were saying but in fact the way in which you said it.As one who works in a high school setting I deal daily with 18 year olds but I can say I've never heard an 18 year old, quite....you know.... DEEP(corny...sorry) Sounds like to me that you are extremley introspective....a trait from what I understand that is common with those who suffer from depression.Those creative thinkers,artists ,musicians the like.Mabie somehow that can give you some hope....we need more compassion and creativity in the world.
I too am very introspective and quite often think I'm "tired",and I can't do this anymore.Each day however,I know Ive made a difference with the kids I'm soooooo lucky to work with.Find some purpose Moonkin....its whats hiding within....you've got it in you.....theres so much in you to offer the world......hang in there
dreamrunner

[Direction]

Moonkin - I think I can relate - I'm glad you are getting help now - when I was 13 I didn't get help - I didn't until I was 34.

Keep up with expressing yourself through poetry...

[Wants2Fly]

Moonkin, a therapist isn't just a friend but a special kind of listener. If you are in a place with your current T that feels like you are "stuck" with no improvement, perhaps you might talk this over with him or her. Sometimes, we need to change to someone who uses a different therapeutic approach. Your T may be able to help you find that person.

Best wishes for getting what you need.